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Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

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His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings  (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I have three kids, one of each  (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it  (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'  (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) My golf game is getting real good. Last week, I got through the windmill  (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home  (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) At certain times I like sex - like after a cigarette  (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) When my old man wanted sex, my mother would show him a picture of me  (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) My mother used to rock me - and she used big rocks  (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I can't get no respect  (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud  (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I've never been lucky. The day my ship came in, I was at the airport  (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) Me and my dad used to play tag, he'd drive!  (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind  (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid!  (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) They change the sheets every day... from one bed to another  (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) Life is full of temporary situations, ultimately ending in a permanent solution  (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) School is a place were you go to eat your lunch  (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn’t going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom  (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself  (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof  (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table  (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass  (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home  (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was  (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together  (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face  (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous, everyone hasn't met me yet  (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender  (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, knowing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about  (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes)
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