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Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

I asked my wife if she enjoys a cigarette after sex and she said No, one drag is enough Picture Quote #1

I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn’t enough Picture Quote #1

I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved Picture Quote #1

My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he’s in the fruit section Picture Quote #1

My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water Picture Quote #1

I asked him Who said you could fool around with my wife he said everybody Picture Quote #1

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You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, The car behind me is paying for two Picture Quote #1

Once I opened up a fortune cookie and inside was the guy’s cheque next to me I said hey buddy I got your cheque he said thanks Picture Quote #1

When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin’ from one end to the other Picture Quote #1

A girl phoned me the other day and said... ‘Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home Picture Quote #1

I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me Picture Quote #1

One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out Picture Quote #1

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I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women’s prisons, and wait for parolees Picture Quote #1

My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don’t want to get started. One story is worse than another Picture Quote #1

I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said, No, I hate myself now Picture Quote #1

I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn’t see the mouse trap Picture Quote #1

Last Halloween a kid tried to rip my face off. He thought it was a mask. Now it’s different when I open the door the kids hand me candy Picture Quote #1

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn’t met me yet Picture Quote #1

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With my old man I got no respect. When he took me hunting he gave me a three minute head start. Then on the way home he tied me to the fender and put the deer in the car Picture Quote #1

I tell ya, it’s tough to save a buck. Right now I’m supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother Picture Quote #1

When I was a kid I got no respect. I played hide-and-seek. They wouldn’t even look for me Picture Quote #1

I went to a fight the other day and a hockey game broke out Picture Quote #1

I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out Picture Quote #1

I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get Picture Quote #1

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My mother had morning sickness after I was born Picture Quote #1

I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me Picture Quote #1

I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself Picture Quote #1

I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot Picture Quote #1

If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all Picture Quote #1

Life is just a bowl of pits Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

I asked my wife if she enjoys a cigarette after sex and she said No, one drag is enough (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn’t enough (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved. (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he’s in the fruit section (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water. (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I asked him Who said you could fool around with my wife he said everybody (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, The car behind me is paying for two. (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) Once I opened up a fortune cookie and inside was the guy’s cheque next to me I said hey buddy I got your cheque he said thanks. (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin’ from one end to the other. (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) A girl phoned me the other day and said... ‘Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home. (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me. (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out. (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women’s prisons, and wait for parolees. (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don’t want to get started. One story is worse than another. (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said, No, I hate myself now. (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn’t see the mouse trap. (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) Last Halloween a kid tried to rip my face off. He thought it was a mask. Now it’s different when I open the door the kids hand me candy. (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn’t met me yet. (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) With my old man I got no respect. When he took me hunting he gave me a three minute head start. Then on the way home he tied me to the fender and put the deer in the car. (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I tell ya, it’s tough to save a buck. Right now I’m supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother. (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) When I was a kid I got no respect. I played hide-and-seek. They wouldn’t even look for me. (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I went to a fight the other day and a hockey game broke out (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) My mother had morning sickness after I was born (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) Life is just a bowl of pits (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes)

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