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Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

Women my age just don’t turn me on. That’s another problem with getting older. I took out an older woman the other night, and I mean old. I told her, Act your age. She died Picture Quote #1

A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how’d you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started! Picture Quote #1

Do ya remember the first time you had sex? I do, and boy, was I scared! I was alone! Picture Quote #1

I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her Picture Quote #1

I’ve learned to control everything. I don’t get angry at anything. Somebody can do me wrong. That’s life. What good is it to get angry? Picture Quote #1

It was the same thing in the army, no respect. They gave me a uniform that glowed in the dark Picture Quote #1

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When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I’m gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark Picture Quote #1

Never tell your wife she’s bad in bed. She’ll go out and get a second opinion Picture Quote #1

And my girlfriend, she’s FAT! How fat? She’s so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone! Picture Quote #1

Yeah, I know I’m ugly... I said to a bartender, ‘Make me a zombie.’ He said ‘God beat me to it.’ Picture Quote #1

I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don’t Picture Quote #1

She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size) Picture Quote #1

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It’s nice to be the best, but not when being the best brings out the worst in you Picture Quote #1

With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me Picture Quote #1

My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing Picture Quote #1

Well with girls I don’t get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I’m not Louise Picture Quote #1

I bought a new book, 100 new ways to make love’. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint Picture Quote #1

I was so poor growing up...if I wasn’t a boy...I’d have nothing to play with Picture Quote #1

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I think my wife is cheating on me, the only thing the parrot knows how to say is, quick out the window Picture Quote #1

What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn’t help me at all Picture Quote #1

At Christmas time I sat on Santa’s lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me ! Picture Quote #1

At Christmas time we couldn’t afford tinsel, so we’d wait till grandpa sneezed Picture Quote #1

I’m taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don’t know if I’m coming or going Picture Quote #1

I used to date a girl from Buffalo. Why can’t I meet a girl with normal parents? Picture Quote #1

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I had a date with an inflatable girl. Now I got an inflatable guy looking for me Picture Quote #1

We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead Picture Quote #1

I’ve been writing jokes since I’m fifteen. Not out of happiness, but to go to a different place, because reality wasn’t good to me Picture Quote #1

When my parents got divorced, there was a custody fight over me. ... and no one showed up Picture Quote #1

I don’t get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it Picture Quote #1

I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is don’t tell the butcher! Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

Women my age just don’t turn me on. That’s another problem with getting older. I took out an older woman the other night, and I mean old. I told her, Act your age. She died (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how’d you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started! (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) Do ya remember the first time you had sex? I do, and boy, was I scared! I was alone! (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her. (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I’ve learned to control everything. I don’t get angry at anything. Somebody can do me wrong. That’s life. What good is it to get angry? (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) It was the same thing in the army, no respect. They gave me a uniform that glowed in the dark. (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I’m gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark... (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) Never tell your wife she’s bad in bed. She’ll go out and get a second opinion. (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) And my girlfriend, she’s FAT! How fat? She’s so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone! (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) Yeah, I know I’m ugly... I said to a bartender, ‘Make me a zombie.’ He said ‘God beat me to it.’ (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don’t. (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size) (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) It’s nice to be the best, but not when being the best brings out the worst in you (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me. (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) Well with girls I don’t get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I’m not Louise. (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I bought a new book, 100 new ways to make love’. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint. (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I was so poor growing up...if I wasn’t a boy...I’d have nothing to play with. (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I think my wife is cheating on me, the only thing the parrot knows how to say is, quick out the window. (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn’t help me at all. (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) At Christmas time I sat on Santa’s lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me ! (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) At Christmas time we couldn’t afford tinsel, so we’d wait till grandpa sneezed (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I’m taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don’t know if I’m coming or going (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I used to date a girl from Buffalo. Why can’t I meet a girl with normal parents? (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I had a date with an inflatable girl. Now I got an inflatable guy looking for me. (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead. (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I’ve been writing jokes since I’m fifteen. Not out of happiness, but to go to a different place, because reality wasn’t good to me. (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) When my parents got divorced, there was a custody fight over me. ... and no one showed up. (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I don’t get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it. (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes) I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is don’t tell the butcher! (Rodney Dangerfield Quotes)

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