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Robert Schimmel Quotes

How do blind people know when they’re done wiping their ass Picture Quote #1

How do blind people know when they’re done wiping their ass? Picture Quote #1

I’m not ready to die. Period. To begin with, I cannot imagine a future without me in it. Can’t do it Picture Quote #1

A lot of weird ads. Sally Struthers with that little kid: ‘Just 55 cents, the price of a cup of coffee, feeds this kid and his family for a week.’ Yeah, where is that? ‘Cause I wanna move there Picture Quote #1

Why are hemorrhoids called hemorrhoids and asteroids called asteroids? Wouldn’t it make more sense if it was the other way around? But if that was true, then a proctologist would be an astronaut Picture Quote #1

So my wife said she read this article in a magazine and she said: You know, maybe you’re suffering from premature ejaculation. Yeah, does it look like I’m suffering? Those aren’t tears on your belly Picture Quote #1

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I went to rent a car, and the guy goes, ‘Do you want the extra insurance?’ I said, ‘Why...am I gonna get into an extra accident? Picture Quote #1

It’s fun to be in California. The police are kind of weird here. They ask you stupid questions. ‘Do you know why I pulled you over?’ Because I have pot in the glove compartment? Picture Quote #1

My mom told me when I was younger that when you jack off all of your dead relatives are watching. But then I figured who were they going to tell Picture Quote #1

It’s my mission to try and give people fighting the disease the same gifts of laughter and a positive attitude I had. Hopefully, my career as a comic will give me the forum to touch these people Picture Quote #1

You know you’re out of shape when you have a heart attack when you’re watching television Picture Quote #1

I flew out here on Southwest Airlines. Southwest has a plane that’s painted like Shamu the whale from Sea World. Yeah, that’ll be easy to find if that went down in the ocean. That’ll be nice, when you’re trying to get out and a real whale’s humping your window Picture Quote #1

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A lot of weird ads. Sally Struthers with that little kid: ‘Just 55 cents, the price of a cup of coffee, feeds this kid and his family for a week.’ Yeah, where is that? ‘Cause I wanna move there Picture Quote #1

It’s my mission to try and give people fighting the disease the same gifts of laughter and a positive attitude I had. Hopefully, my career as a comic will give me the forum to touch these people Picture Quote #1

Because when you’re laughing, there is no other emotion in that moment except for joy Picture Quote #1

Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

How do blind people know when they’re done wiping their ass (Robert Schimmel Quotes) How do blind people know when they’re done wiping their ass? (Robert Schimmel Quotes) I’m not ready to die. Period. To begin with, I cannot imagine a future without me in it. Can’t do it (Robert Schimmel Quotes) A lot of weird ads. Sally Struthers with that little kid: ‘Just 55 cents, the price of a cup of coffee, feeds this kid and his family for a week.’ Yeah, where is that? ‘Cause I wanna move there (Robert Schimmel Quotes) Why are hemorrhoids called hemorrhoids and asteroids called asteroids? Wouldn’t it make more sense if it was the other way around? But if that was true, then a proctologist would be an astronaut (Robert Schimmel Quotes) So my wife said she read this article in a magazine and she said: You know, maybe you’re suffering from premature ejaculation. Yeah, does it look like I’m suffering? Those aren’t tears on your belly (Robert Schimmel Quotes) I went to rent a car, and the guy goes, ‘Do you want the extra insurance?’ I said, ‘Why...am I gonna get into an extra accident? (Robert Schimmel Quotes) It’s fun to be in California. The police are kind of weird here. They ask you stupid questions. ‘Do you know why I pulled you over?’ Because I have pot in the glove compartment? (Robert Schimmel Quotes) My mom told me when I was younger that when you jack off all of your dead relatives are watching. But then I figured who were they going to tell (Robert Schimmel Quotes) It’s my mission to try and give people fighting the disease the same gifts of laughter and a positive attitude I had. Hopefully, my career as a comic will give me the forum to touch these people (Robert Schimmel Quotes) You know you’re out of shape when you have a heart attack when you’re watching television (Robert Schimmel Quotes) I flew out here on Southwest Airlines. Southwest has a plane that’s painted like Shamu the whale from Sea World. Yeah, that’ll be easy to find if that went down in the ocean. That’ll be nice, when you’re trying to get out and a real whale’s humping your window (Robert Schimmel Quotes) A lot of weird ads. Sally Struthers with that little kid: ‘Just 55 cents, the price of a cup of coffee, feeds this kid and his family for a week.’ Yeah, where is that? ‘Cause I wanna move there. (Robert Schimmel Quotes) It’s my mission to try and give people fighting the disease the same gifts of laughter and a positive attitude I had. Hopefully, my career as a comic will give me the forum to touch these people. (Robert Schimmel Quotes) Because when you’re laughing, there is no other emotion in that moment except for joy (Robert Schimmel Quotes)