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Robert Benchley Quotes

Having you in my life made everything better
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The darkest nights produce the brightest stars
You don't need someone to complete you. You only need someone to accept you completely
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Don't look back you're not going that way
Men go shopping to buy what they need. Women go shopping to find out what they want
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Chocolate is the answer. Who cares what the question is
Be yourself; everyone else is already taken
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Dogs teach us a lot of things but none more important than to love unconditionally
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Text Quotes
Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did  (Robert Benchley Quotes) I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry  (Robert Benchley Quotes) There are two ways to travel, first class or with children  (Robert Benchley Quotes) Anything can happen, but it usually doesn’t  (Robert Benchley Quotes) When we think back to our forefathers, with their sedentary lives of forest-chopping, railroad-building, fortune-founding, their fox-hunting and Indian taming, their prancing about in the mazurka and the polka, with their coattails flying and their bustles bouncing, to say nothing of their all-day sessions with the port and straight bourbon,... we must realize that we are a nation, not of neurasthenics, but of sissies and slow-motion sports  (Robert Benchley Quotes) The problem of what to wear while lolling about the house on a Sunday afternoon is becoming more and more acute as the fashions in lolling garments change. The American home is in danger of taking on the appearance of an Oriental bordello  (Robert Benchley Quotes) What is the disease which manifests itself in an inability to leave a party--any party at all--until it is all over and the lightsare being put out?... I suppose that part of this mania for staying is due to a fear that, if I go, something good will happen and I’ll miss it. Somebody might do card tricks, or shoot somebody else  (Robert Benchley Quotes) The knocking out of a pipe can be made almost as important as the smoking of it, especially if there are nervous people in the room. A good, smart knock of a pipe against a tin wastebasket and you will have a neurasthenic out of his chair and into the window sash in no time  (Robert Benchley Quotes) The Ultimate Day really begins the night before, when you sit up until one o’clock trying to get things into trunk and bags. This is when you discover the well-known fact that summer air swells articles to twice or three times their original size  (Robert Benchley Quotes) In Milwaukee last month a man died laughing over one of his own jokes. That’s what makes it so tough for us outsiders. We have to fight home competition  (Robert Benchley Quotes) Central Park is the grandiose symbol of the front yard each child in New York hasn’t got  (Robert Benchley Quotes) The art of cursing people seems to have lost its tang since the old days when a good malediction took four deep breaths to deliverand sent the outfielders scurrying toward the fence to field.  (Robert Benchley Quotes) You want to go easy on the suicide stuff - first thing you know, you’ll ruin your health  (Robert Benchley Quotes) Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it’s compounding a felony.  (Robert Benchley Quotes) The wise man thinks once before he speaks twice  (Robert Benchley Quotes) There are several ways in which to apportion the family income, all of them unsatisfactory  (Robert Benchley Quotes) Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of  (Robert Benchley Quotes) The biggest obstacle to professional writing is the necessity for changing a typewriter ribbon  (Robert Benchley Quotes) Who said time machines haven't been built yet? They already exist. They're called books  (Robert Benchley Quotes) The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him  (Robert Benchley Quotes) The ideal age for a boy to own a dog is between forty-five and fifty  (Robert Benchley Quotes) We are constantly being surprised that people did things well before we were born  (Robert Benchley Quotes) There are several ways to apportion the family income, all of them unsatisfactory  (Robert Benchley Quotes) Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people  (Robert Benchley Quotes) The only cure for a real hangover is death  (Robert Benchley Quotes) It was one of those plays in which the actors, unfortunately, enunciated very clearly  (Robert Benchley Quotes) Sheer madness is, of course, the highest possible brow in humor  (Robert Benchley Quotes) I don't trust a bank that would lend money to such a poor risk  (Robert Benchley Quotes) So who's in a hurry?  (Robert Benchley Quotes) In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children  (Robert Benchley Quotes)
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