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When I read something saying I’ve not done anything as good as ‘Catch-22’ I’m tempted to reply, ‘Who has?’  (No Reply Quotes) I had the easiest publishing experience in the entire world. I sent out fifteen courier letters to agents, got five no replies, nine rejections and one I want to see it. A month later I had an agent. Another month later I had a three book deal with Little Brown  (No Reply Quotes) I promoted myself on Twitter and Facebook as hard as possible, nonstop. People started realizing that if they commented on my videos, I’d reply to their comment, so I started getting a lot more views and comments  (No Reply Quotes) A five minute call replaces the time it takes to read and reply to the original email and read and reply to their reply... or replies. And I no longer spend 20 minutes crafting the perfect email - no need to  (No Reply Quotes) Now we’re e-mailing and tweeting and texting so much, a phone call comes as a fresh surprise. I get text messages on my cell phone all day long, and it warbles to alert me that someone has sent me a message on Facebook or a reply or direct message on Twitter, but it rarely ever rings  (No Reply Quotes) I’ve given up email. Well, almost. At the weekend I set up one of those auto-reply messages, informing my correspondents that I would no longer be checking my emails, and that instead they might like to call or write, as we used to in the olden days  (No Reply Quotes) You have nothing if you’re texting a guy in a relationship. We can text six women a minute. We can text it and push ‘reply all.’ I mean, since we’re lying, we might as well lie to everybody  (No Reply Quotes) Nowadays, people don’t ask you how you are, they say, ‘Are you busy?’ meaning, ‘Are you well?’ If someone actually does ask you how you are, the most cheerful answer, of course, is a robust ‘Busy!’ to which the person will reply ‘Good!’  (No Reply Quotes) I say in speeches that a plausible mission of artists is to make people appreciate being alive at least a little bit. I am then asked if I know of any artists who pulled that off. I reply, ‘The Beatles did  (No Reply Quotes) Recently, I was asked if I was going to fire an employee who made a mistake that cost the company $600,000. No, I replied, I just spent $600,000 training him. Why would I want somebody to hire his experience?  (No Reply Quotes) The usual complaint is, ‘I have no other way of earning a living.’ The harsh reply can be, ‘Do you have to live?’  (No Reply Quotes) If someone smells a flower and says he does not understand, the reply to him is: there is nothing to understand, it is only a scent. If he persists, saying: that I know, but what does it all mean? Then one has either to change the subject, or make it more abstruse by saying that the scent is the shape which the universal joy takes in the flower  (No Reply Quotes) The library was like a second home. Or maybe more like a real home, more than the place I lived in. By going every day I got to know all the lady librarians who worked there. They knew my name and always said hi. I was painfully shy, though, and could barely reply  (No Reply Quotes) Why do people not listen when you say no? Why do they think you are too stupid or too young to understand? Why do they think you are too shy to reply? Why do they keep badgering you until you will say yes?  (No Reply Quotes) I. Cannot stoop to reply to the folly and the slander of every poor Tory partisan who assails me, and I should not have noticed you but for the fact that you are a member of the House of Commons  (No Reply Quotes) The chaos of the mind cannot constitute a reply to the providence of the universe. All it can be is an awakening in the night, where all that can be heard is anguished poetry let loose  (No Reply Quotes) Then they held my mouth shut for a while and hit me in the face, and with a whip across chest and back. I then collapsed, rolled on the floor, always keeping face down and no longer replied to any of their questions  (No Reply Quotes) We may expect answers to prayer, and should not be easy without them any more than we should be if we had written a letter to a friend upon important business, and had received no reply  (No Reply Quotes) To the questioning glance of love, as it flashes out and then conceals itself, speech has no reply; the smile, the kiss, the sigh answer  (No Reply Quotes) PRINT FREE GIANT POSTERS