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Mark Twain Quotes

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When I reflect upon the number of disagreeable people who I know have gone to a better world, I am moved to lead a different life  (Mark Twain Quotes) I’ve thought it all over... and there ain’t no way to find out why a snorer can’t hear himself snore  (Mark Twain Quotes) He is the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself, and cuts his throat if his theology isn’t straight  (Mark Twain Quotes) Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has laid an egg cackles as if she had laid an asteroid  (Mark Twain Quotes) There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford to, and when he can  (Mark Twain Quotes) A successful book is not made of what is in it, but of what is left out of it  (Mark Twain Quotes) News is history in its first and best form, its vivid and fascinating form... History is the pale and tranquil reflection of it  (Mark Twain Quotes) Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms  (Mark Twain Quotes) It is often the case that a man who can’t tell a lie thinks that he is the best judge of one  (Mark Twain Quotes) Adam was the only man who, when he said a good thing, knew that nobody had said it before him  (Mark Twain Quotes) Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their marriage were not perceived to have any relationship  (Mark Twain Quotes) Take your mind out every now and then and dance on it. It is getting all caked up  (Mark Twain Quotes) Don’t, like the cat, try to get more out of an experience than there is in it. The cat, having sat upon a hot stove lid, will not sit upon a hot stove lid again. Nor upon a cold stove lid  (Mark Twain Quotes) Scientists have odious manners, except when you prop up their theory; then you can borrow money of them  (Mark Twain Quotes) Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education  (Mark Twain Quotes) Write without pay until somebody offers to pay you. If nobody offers within three years, sawing wood is what you were intended for  (Mark Twain Quotes) A banker is a fellow who lends his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain  (Mark Twain Quotes) A man never reaches that dizzy height of wisdom that he can no longer be lead by the nose  (Mark Twain Quotes) Eternal rest sounds comforting in the pulpit; well, you try it once, and see how heavy time will hang on your hands  (Mark Twain Quotes) Half of the results of a good intention are evil, half the results of an evil intention are good  (Mark Twain Quotes) Education does not mean teaching people to know what they do not know; it means teaching them to behave as they do not behave  (Mark Twain Quotes) History is strewn thick with evidence that a truth is not hard to kill, but a lie, well told, is immortal  (Mark Twain Quotes) He is useless on top of the ground; he ought to be be under it, inspiring the cabbages  (Mark Twain Quotes) Have a place for everything and keep the things somewheres else. That is not advice, it is merely custom  (Mark Twain Quotes) I am prepared to meet anyone, but whether anyone is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter  (Mark Twain Quotes) I find that the further I go back, the better things, whether they happened or not  (Mark Twain Quotes) I think a compliment ought to always precede a complaint, where one is possible, because it softens resentment and insures for the complaint a courteous and gentle reception  (Mark Twain Quotes) I’m glad that the old masters are all dead, and I only wish they had died sooner  (Mark Twain Quotes) I never could tell a lie that anybody would doubt, nor a truth that anybody would believe  (Mark Twain Quotes) Man is a museum of diseases, a home of impurities; he comes today and is gone tomorrow; he begins as dirt and departs as stench  (Mark Twain Quotes)
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