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Mallory Ortberg Quotes

Don’t beat yourself up over what you dream about Picture Quote #1

Diapers do not belong on the same table as food Picture Quote #1

There are alternatives to pregnancy if you want another child Picture Quote #1

Letting events end is not rude. Everything ends Picture Quote #1

Reciprocating oral sex is, in general, a very good idea! Picture Quote #1

I grew up in a home where reading was a big deal Picture Quote #1

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Nothing good comes of reading other people’s emails Picture Quote #1

I read my first P.G. Wodehouse when I was 12 Picture Quote #1

There’s no specific mission statement for the ‘Toast Picture Quote #1

Weirdly, often the more I write, the more ideas I have Picture Quote #1

When I was twenty years old, I had gum grafts put in Picture Quote #1

Anyone who wants to pretend that your Huntington’s disease is an invention is someone who does not have your best interests at heart Picture Quote #1

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The Toast’s audience is about 30-35 percent male, which shocked me because I would say that we actively try to discourage men from reading our site. Apparently, there’s not insignificant number of dudes out there who think that what we are doing is okay Picture Quote #1

You don’t need to hide the fact that you’re in recovery, but you don’t have to share your history of addiction with acquaintances at work, either Picture Quote #1

My parents are both pastors. In the 80s and 90s in the mainstream Christian world, it was not really common for a woman - especially a married woman and a mother - to be a pastor Picture Quote #1

Addicts sometimes have a penchant for becoming the center of attention at other people’s celebrations Picture Quote #1

As long as you don’t think he’s just pretending not to mind for your sake, it sounds like he has truly accepted that blow jobs are too difficult and painful for you to perform, and he’s still very satisfied with your sex life. Take him at his word Picture Quote #1

An adult woman should not be so possessive of her own birthday that she begrudges her friends the chance to get married on the same day Picture Quote #1

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I don’t think it’s a requirement that a happy, fulfilling relationship also provide the best sex of all time Picture Quote #1

So many people choose silence after the immediate wake of a death out of fear of saying something out of turn or bringing up bad memories that bereaved people often feel forgotten Picture Quote #1

LGBT youth face a much higher risk of violence and homelessness after being rejected by their family of origin Picture Quote #1

The mere idea of asking a family member if they intentionally stopped sending me an annual bonus makes me feel like breaking out in hives Picture Quote #1

Anything where I get to write a lot of jokes and have a lot of creative control - that’s all I want Picture Quote #1

I attended an evangelical Christian university on the outskirts of suburban Los Angeles and by the time of my graduation was neither evangelical nor Christian Picture Quote #1

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You can care very much about someone without being capable of becoming their primary caregiver in the event of their parents’ untimely death Picture Quote #1

There are few things more disconcerting than realizing the first date you thought went so well was in fact a dud Picture Quote #1

Bad dental hygiene can lead to respiratory infections and an increased risk for heart disease and strokes Picture Quote #1

In no state in America is it legal for a landlord to demand their tenants lead a healthy lifestyle in order to rent property Picture Quote #1

The hardest part about being ghosted is the fact that you can’t deal with the ghoster directly. You just never hear from them again, and everything feels odd and incomplete Picture Quote #1

The most successful Subway customers, of course, are the ones who can’t keep their hands off their sandwich. Join your artist in the sandwich assembling process. That sneeze guard is a suggestion. That sneeze guard is trying to intimidate you into staying on the customer’s side of the partition Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

Don’t beat yourself up over what you dream about (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) Diapers do not belong on the same table as food (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) There are alternatives to pregnancy if you want another child (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) Letting events end is not rude. Everything ends. (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) Reciprocating oral sex is, in general, a very good idea! (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) I grew up in a home where reading was a big deal (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) Nothing good comes of reading other people’s emails (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) I read my first P.G. Wodehouse when I was 12 (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) There’s no specific mission statement for the ‘Toast (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) Weirdly, often the more I write, the more ideas I have (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) When I was twenty years old, I had gum grafts put in (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) Anyone who wants to pretend that your Huntington’s disease is an invention is someone who does not have your best interests at heart. (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) The Toast’s audience is about 30-35 percent male, which shocked me because I would say that we actively try to discourage men from reading our site. Apparently, there’s not insignificant number of dudes out there who think that what we are doing is okay. (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) You don’t need to hide the fact that you’re in recovery, but you don’t have to share your history of addiction with acquaintances at work, either. (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) My parents are both pastors. In the 80s and 90s in the mainstream Christian world, it was not really common for a woman - especially a married woman and a mother - to be a pastor. (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) Addicts sometimes have a penchant for becoming the center of attention at other people’s celebrations. (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) As long as you don’t think he’s just pretending not to mind for your sake, it sounds like he has truly accepted that blow jobs are too difficult and painful for you to perform, and he’s still very satisfied with your sex life. Take him at his word. (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) An adult woman should not be so possessive of her own birthday that she begrudges her friends the chance to get married on the same day. (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) I don’t think it’s a requirement that a happy, fulfilling relationship also provide the best sex of all time. (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) So many people choose silence after the immediate wake of a death out of fear of saying something out of turn or bringing up bad memories that bereaved people often feel forgotten. (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) LGBT youth face a much higher risk of violence and homelessness after being rejected by their family of origin. (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) The mere idea of asking a family member if they intentionally stopped sending me an annual bonus makes me feel like breaking out in hives. (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) Anything where I get to write a lot of jokes and have a lot of creative control - that’s all I want. (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) I attended an evangelical Christian university on the outskirts of suburban Los Angeles and by the time of my graduation was neither evangelical nor Christian. (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) You can care very much about someone without being capable of becoming their primary caregiver in the event of their parents’ untimely death. (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) There are few things more disconcerting than realizing the first date you thought went so well was in fact a dud. (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) Bad dental hygiene can lead to respiratory infections and an increased risk for heart disease and strokes. (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) In no state in America is it legal for a landlord to demand their tenants lead a healthy lifestyle in order to rent property. (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) The hardest part about being ghosted is the fact that you can’t deal with the ghoster directly. You just never hear from them again, and everything feels odd and incomplete. (Mallory Ortberg Quotes) The most successful Subway customers, of course, are the ones who can’t keep their hands off their sandwich. Join your artist in the sandwich assembling process. That sneeze guard is a suggestion. That sneeze guard is trying to intimidate you into staying on the customer’s side of the partition. (Mallory Ortberg Quotes)

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