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Louis C K Quotes

There’s no real preparing at home for stand-up. You just go and you just do it Picture Quote #1

You can’t cancel my stand-up tours. It’s impossible. There’s too many separate bosses. There is no ‘bosses.’ Picture Quote #1

If you’re a cartoon character or most TV characters, sure, you’ll fight, because the punches are juicy-sounding and they don’t leave marks. But in real life, if somebody punches you in the eye, it doesn’t make any noise and your eye is swollen for, like, six months. It’s a nightmare to get punched in the eye Picture Quote #1

There’s a woman I see who’s not my therapist, but she’s like an old friend who’s a therapist in profession. She lets me talk to her like a therapist once in a while, and she does a great thing. Whenever I have a big dilemma, like this is a big problem in my life, she always says, ‘Wow, you’re going to have to figure that out.’ Picture Quote #1

I thought about going to NYU film school - that was this ideal to me. But I didn’t make any kind of grades in high school Picture Quote #1

When I am in a hotel, and I turn off the lights and the TV, I just freak out. I turn the TV back on and don’t get any sleep Picture Quote #1

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You know, the people who do indie film and decide who gets those little budgets? They’re mean, man. They’re cold and very cool-oriented Picture Quote #1

There’s been a lot of simple vilification of right-wing people. It’s really easy to say, ‘Well, you’re Christian, you’re anti-this and that, and I hate you.’ But to me, it’s more interesting to say, ‘What is this person like and how do they really think?’ Picture Quote #1

I have a crazy amount of different jobs, so the way I manage that is to not do more than one at a time. It’s like old computers that had small memory chips, they would do something called swapping, where they would fill the memory with one task, do it and get it out Picture Quote #1

Comedians work great as actors because they’re good under pressure. With a lot of actors, you have to make them feel like everything’s going really well to get a good performance out of them. But, if you have a comedian on the set, you can tell them, ‘Hey, you really are screwing this up,’ and then they just get better Picture Quote #1

Whenever I’ve encountered a Christian saying, ‘Why don’t you stop talking like that so I can hear you?’ I think, ‘Well you’re the one putting the earmuffs on, but I wish you could hear me because I like you.’ Picture Quote #1

Fathers have skills that they never use at home. You run a landscaping business and you can’t dress and feed a four-year-old? Take it on! Picture Quote #1

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One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December Picture Quote #1

How do women still go out guys, when you consider that there is no greater threat to women than men? We’re the number one threat to women! Globally, and historically one cause of injury and mayhem to women. You know what our number one threat is? Heart disease Picture Quote #1

I look around, pretty much 100% of the people driving are texting. And they’re killing, everybody’s murdering each other with their cars. But people are willing to risk taking a life and ruining their own because they don’t want to be alone for a second because it’s so hard Picture Quote #1

It’s hard having kids because it’s boring... It’s just being with them on the floor while they be children. They read Clifford the Big Red Dog to you at a rate of 50 minutes a page, and you have to sit there and be horribly proud and bored at the same time Picture Quote #1

You know the only thing happier than a three-legged dog? A four-legged dog Picture Quote #1

Sorry - Americans only buy things that come from suffering. They just enjoy it more when they know someone’s getting hurt Picture Quote #1

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Most people are dead. Hitler. Ray Charles. Some other guys. But mostly those two Picture Quote #1

In 27 years doing this, I’ve seen a handful of truly great, masterful standup sets. One was Tig Notaro last night at Largo Picture Quote #1

Human kindness has no reward. You should give to others in every way you see. expect absolutely nothing from anyone. It should be your goal to love every human you encounter. All human suffering that you’re aware of and continues without your effort to stop it becomes your crime Picture Quote #1

My show is sort of a short-film anthology, and I’m able to tell little stories that don’t necessarily carry a whole episode in terms of narrative. I like the audience not being sure what they’re getting. I think it’s more fun to watch something when you’re discovering it as you go along Picture Quote #1

To me, there’s a huge difference between criticism and reviewing. I really love reading good criticism of television and film. To me, a critic is someone who analyzes a show, describes it, talks about the people in it, puts it in historical context of other shows like it, compares it and stuff, and then talks about the intent of the show and whether it failed or didn’t Picture Quote #1

You would never do stand-up without an audience. I mean, no one would even consider it. It’s like they’re the instrument you’re playing Picture Quote #1

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Gay men have to go through something to own their - who they are. They get beat up. They get ostracized. Whatever they go through, if they survive it, they come out very confident people Picture Quote #1

Television for a child creates such a high bar of stimulus that nothing else competes. A beautiful day is absolute crap to a kid who watches tv Picture Quote #1

A very painful part of being a parent is having really negative feelings about your children when you love them so much Picture Quote #1

I get mad like anybody else does, but being able to laugh about getting mad is very healthy, and my kids know that Picture Quote #1

When your kid is being selfish or greedy and you want to help them not be that way, you have to find a way to articulate it and inspire them Picture Quote #1

The Jackass movies are honestly some of the best movies I’ve ever seen. I laugh so hard at them. Those guys are geniuses. If they had grown up with a different group of people, they could’ve been performance artists at Bard College, and people would be writing papers about them Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

There’s no real preparing at home for stand-up. You just go and you just do it (Louis C K Quotes) You can’t cancel my stand-up tours. It’s impossible. There’s too many separate bosses. There is no ‘bosses.’ (Louis C K Quotes) If you’re a cartoon character or most TV characters, sure, you’ll fight, because the punches are juicy-sounding and they don’t leave marks. But in real life, if somebody punches you in the eye, it doesn’t make any noise and your eye is swollen for, like, six months. It’s a nightmare to get punched in the eye (Louis C K Quotes) There’s a woman I see who’s not my therapist, but she’s like an old friend who’s a therapist in profession. She lets me talk to her like a therapist once in a while, and she does a great thing. Whenever I have a big dilemma, like this is a big problem in my life, she always says, ‘Wow, you’re going to have to figure that out.’ (Louis C K Quotes) I thought about going to NYU film school - that was this ideal to me. But I didn’t make any kind of grades in high school (Louis C K Quotes) When I am in a hotel, and I turn off the lights and the TV, I just freak out. I turn the TV back on and don’t get any sleep (Louis C K Quotes) You know, the people who do indie film and decide who gets those little budgets? They’re mean, man. They’re cold and very cool-oriented (Louis C K Quotes) There’s been a lot of simple vilification of right-wing people. It’s really easy to say, ‘Well, you’re Christian, you’re anti-this and that, and I hate you.’ But to me, it’s more interesting to say, ‘What is this person like and how do they really think?’ (Louis C K Quotes) I have a crazy amount of different jobs, so the way I manage that is to not do more than one at a time. It’s like old computers that had small memory chips, they would do something called swapping, where they would fill the memory with one task, do it and get it out (Louis C K Quotes) Comedians work great as actors because they’re good under pressure. With a lot of actors, you have to make them feel like everything’s going really well to get a good performance out of them. But, if you have a comedian on the set, you can tell them, ‘Hey, you really are screwing this up,’ and then they just get better (Louis C K Quotes) Whenever I’ve encountered a Christian saying, ‘Why don’t you stop talking like that so I can hear you?’ I think, ‘Well you’re the one putting the earmuffs on, but I wish you could hear me because I like you.’ (Louis C K Quotes) Fathers have skills that they never use at home. You run a landscaping business and you can’t dress and feed a four-year-old? Take it on! (Louis C K Quotes) One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December (Louis C K Quotes) How do women still go out guys, when you consider that there is no greater threat to women than men? We’re the number one threat to women! Globally, and historically one cause of injury and mayhem to women. You know what our number one threat is? Heart disease (Louis C K Quotes) I look around, pretty much 100% of the people driving are texting. And they’re killing, everybody’s murdering each other with their cars. But people are willing to risk taking a life and ruining their own because they don’t want to be alone for a second because it’s so hard (Louis C K Quotes) It’s hard having kids because it’s boring... It’s just being with them on the floor while they be children. They read Clifford the Big Red Dog to you at a rate of 50 minutes a page, and you have to sit there and be horribly proud and bored at the same time (Louis C K Quotes) You know the only thing happier than a three-legged dog? A four-legged dog (Louis C K Quotes) Sorry - Americans only buy things that come from suffering. They just enjoy it more when they know someone’s getting hurt (Louis C K Quotes) Most people are dead. Hitler. Ray Charles. Some other guys. But mostly those two (Louis C K Quotes) In 27 years doing this, I’ve seen a handful of truly great, masterful standup sets. One was Tig Notaro last night at Largo (Louis C K Quotes) Human kindness has no reward. You should give to others in every way you see. expect absolutely nothing from anyone. It should be your goal to love every human you encounter. All human suffering that you’re aware of and continues without your effort to stop it becomes your crime (Louis C K Quotes) My show is sort of a short-film anthology, and I’m able to tell little stories that don’t necessarily carry a whole episode in terms of narrative. I like the audience not being sure what they’re getting. I think it’s more fun to watch something when you’re discovering it as you go along (Louis C K Quotes) To me, there’s a huge difference between criticism and reviewing. I really love reading good criticism of television and film. To me, a critic is someone who analyzes a show, describes it, talks about the people in it, puts it in historical context of other shows like it, compares it and stuff, and then talks about the intent of the show and whether it failed or didn’t (Louis C K Quotes) You would never do stand-up without an audience. I mean, no one would even consider it. It’s like they’re the instrument you’re playing. (Louis C K Quotes) Gay men have to go through something to own their - who they are. They get beat up. They get ostracized. Whatever they go through, if they survive it, they come out very confident people. (Louis C K Quotes) Television for a child creates such a high bar of stimulus that nothing else competes. A beautiful day is absolute crap to a kid who watches tv. (Louis C K Quotes) A very painful part of being a parent is having really negative feelings about your children when you love them so much. (Louis C K Quotes) I get mad like anybody else does, but being able to laugh about getting mad is very healthy, and my kids know that. (Louis C K Quotes) When your kid is being selfish or greedy and you want to help them not be that way, you have to find a way to articulate it and inspire them. (Louis C K Quotes) The Jackass movies are honestly some of the best movies I’ve ever seen. I laugh so hard at them. Those guys are geniuses. If they had grown up with a different group of people, they could’ve been performance artists at Bard College, and people would be writing papers about them. (Louis C K Quotes)

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