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Johnny Carson Quotes

Men go shopping to buy what they need. Women go shopping to find out what they want
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Dogs teach us a lot of things but none more important than to love unconditionally
And then you meet one person and your life changes forever
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Money may not buy happiness, but it's better to cry in a Lamborghini
A girl doesn't need anyone who doesn't need her
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I told you I'll be ready in FIVE minutes, stop calling me every half hour
Be yourself; everyone else is already taken
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The darkest nights produce the brightest stars
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Text Quotes
Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp  (Johnny Carson Quotes) Happiness is finding two olives in your Martini when you're hungry  (Johnny Carson Quotes) I am taking the applause sign home, putting it in the bedroom  (Johnny Carson Quotes) Democracy means free television, not good television, but free  (Johnny Carson Quotes) I owe one thing to my public - the best performance I can give  (Johnny Carson Quotes) We’re more effective than birth control pills  (Johnny Carson Quotes) Happiness is being served with a paternity suit on your 75th birthday  (Johnny Carson Quotes) The best way to thaw a frozen turkey? Blow in it’s ear.  (Johnny Carson Quotes) I have no use for eight houses, 88 cars and 500 suits. I can’t eat but one steak at a time. I don’t want but one woman. It’s silly to have as one’s sole object in life just making money, accumulating wealth  (Johnny Carson Quotes) Talent alone won’t make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: ‘Are your ready?’  (Johnny Carson Quotes) They say atomic rad-i-ation can hurt your reproductive organs. My answer is, so can a hockey stick. But we don’t stop building them  (Johnny Carson Quotes) Magic is the oldest part of the show business profession. It can now be used as a forward-thinking tool to build a child’s confidence. It has been an amazing part in many entertainers’ lives, including Steve Martin and the late Johnny Carson  (Johnny Carson Quotes) Privately I think that I’m not really somebody who has a network television show. Celebrities are other people - Johnny Carson and Sylvester Stallone. I’m just a kid trying to make a living is the way I feel  (Johnny Carson Quotes) In 1980, when I graduated from high school, my goal was to be on ‘The Tonight Show’ with Johnny Carson at least once before our ten-year class reunion. Our class reunion was in June of 1990, and I was on ‘The Tonight Show’ in April 1990, so I made it by a few months  (Johnny Carson Quotes) In 1932, lame duck president Herbert Hoover was so desperate to remain in the White House that he dressed up as Eleanor Roosevelt. When FDR discovered the hoax in 1936, the two men decided to stay together for the sake of the children  (Johnny Carson Quotes) I can’t say I ever wanted to become an entertainer. I already was one, sort of-around the house, at school, doing my magic tricks, throwing my voice and doing Popeye impersonations. People thought I was funny; so I kind of took entertaining for granted It was inevitable that I’d start giving little performances  (Johnny Carson Quotes) As you all know by now, this is the 51st annual Academy Awards. Two hours of sparkling entertainment spread out over a four-hour show  (Johnny Carson Quotes) Ronald Reagan just signed the new tax law. But I think he was in Hollywood too long. He signed it, ‘Best wishes, Ronald Reagan.’  (Johnny Carson Quotes) When I was a kid, you would tune in to ‘The Tonight Show’ before you went to sleep. Johnny Carson. A big treat. I know it’s a privilege of mine to be able to be in people’s homes. So I hope I make everyone proud, including my parents, and do a good job in this  (Johnny Carson Quotes) I still have the shirt I wore my first time on Johnny Carson’s show. Only now I use it as a tablecloth at dinner parties. It was very blousy  (Johnny Carson Quotes) There really is no Johnny Carson anymore. There is no one place a comedian can appear and explode  (Johnny Carson Quotes) Out all of these zillions of letters, one of the first ones that came was, as it turned out from Johnny Carson within the last five or six weeks of his life. I had worked with him. He lost a son who had worked for me  (Johnny Carson Quotes) He was a very private person, but then, you know, he belonged to the whole United States. The United States thought they owned Johnny Carson  (Johnny Carson Quotes) As a kid, I always wanted to be Carol Burnett or Johnny Carson. I love to chat and entertain  (Johnny Carson Quotes) I was on the Johnny Carson show, I believe 114 or 104 times. And aside from those times on the air, I never spoke to him. I never met him  (Johnny Carson Quotes) George Burns has been on my show twenty or thirty times, or maybe more. How can you turn down a guy that age?  (Johnny Carson Quotes) The difference between a divorce and a legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money  (Johnny Carson Quotes) Money gives me just one big thing that’s really important, and that’s the freedom of not having to worry about money.  (Johnny Carson Quotes) Having money gives me the freedom to worry about the things that really matter  (Johnny Carson Quotes)
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