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Johnny Carson Quotes
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Friendship Quotes
Love Quotes
Life Quotes
Funny Quotes
Motivational Quotes
Inspirational Quotes
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Text Quotes
Happiness is finding two olives in your Martini when you're hungry (Johnny Carson Quotes)
The best way to thaw a frozen turkey? Blow in it’s ear. (Johnny Carson Quotes)
Happiness is being served with a paternity suit on your 75th birthday (Johnny Carson Quotes)
I owe one thing to my public - the best performance I can give (Johnny Carson Quotes)
Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp (Johnny Carson Quotes)
I am taking the applause sign home, putting it in the bedroom (Johnny Carson Quotes)
Democracy means free television, not good television, but free (Johnny Carson Quotes)
Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas (Johnny Carson Quotes)
Having money gives me the freedom to worry about the things that really matter (Johnny Carson Quotes)
I know a guy who gave up smoking cigarettes, consuming, sex, and wealthy meals (Johnny Carson Quotes)
If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead (Johnny Carson Quotes)
The closest thing to Roseanne Barr’s singing the national anthem was my cat being neutered (Johnny Carson Quotes)
If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead (Johnny Carson Quotes)
If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam (Johnny Carson Quotes)
Blow in it’s ear (Johnny Carson Quotes)
Only lie about the future (Johnny Carson Quotes)
I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself (Johnny Carson Quotes)
Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die (Johnny Carson Quotes)
Happiness is a tiger in your tank and a pussycat in your back seat (Johnny Carson Quotes)
Happiness is... finding two olives in your martini when youre hungry (Johnny Carson Quotes)
The best way to thaw a frozen turkey? Blow in it’s ear (Johnny Carson Quotes)
He’s so fat, he can be his own running mate (Johnny Carson Quotes)
When turkeys mate they think of swans (Johnny Carson Quotes)
We’re more effective than birth control pills (Johnny Carson Quotes)
People will pay more to be entertained than educated (Johnny Carson Quotes)
Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do (Johnny Carson Quotes)
My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day (Johnny Carson Quotes)
The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money (Johnny Carson Quotes)
I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing (Johnny Carson Quotes)
Happiness is your dentist telling you it won’t hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill (Johnny Carson Quotes)