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Jimmy Fallon Quotes
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Friendship Quotes
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Text Quotes
President Obama said that if he could have any superpower, he’d want the ability to speak any language. That’s so everyone in the world could tell him he picked one of the lamest possible superpowers (Jimmy Fallon Quotes)
Senator Rand Paul reflected on Mitt Romney’s potential 2016 campaign and said, ‘It’s sort of what Einstein said, that the definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over again and expect a different result.’ When someone told him Einstein didn’t actually say that, he said, ‘In the words of Gandhi, ‘My bad.’’ (Jimmy Fallon Quotes)
Fifteen states across the country have gas prices that have dipped below $2. That means it’s now cheaper to buy a gallon of liquefied dinosaurs than one cup of coffee at Starbucks (Jimmy Fallon Quotes)
The film ‘Boyhood’ won the Golden Globe for best drama. It follows one guy’s journey over the course of 12 years - or as Mitt Romney calls that, ‘running for president.’ (Jimmy Fallon Quotes)
Democratic Senator Harry Reid is expected to make a full recovery after he was exercising with a resistance band that snapped, causing him to fall. The good news is he’s fine. The bad news is there’s no video of it (Jimmy Fallon Quotes)
Despite Russia’s move to raise interest rates this week, the value of the ruble has continued to crash. Russia’s economy is so bad, Edward Snowden had to put government secrets on Craigslist (Jimmy Fallon Quotes)
During an interview, former President George W. Bush discussed his painting hobby and said, ‘Never paint your wife or your mother.’ Then he added, ‘Because it’s almost impossible to get the paint out of their hair.’ (Jimmy Fallon Quotes)
This week Biden said that he will decide on a potential 2016 presidential campaign by the spring or the summer. Then he said, ‘Whichever comes first.’ (Jimmy Fallon Quotes)
Jeb Bush’s brother Neil said that their mother has ‘come around’ to the idea of Jeb running for president in 2016. Because if there’s anything that says you’re qualified to be president, it’s your own mom saying, ‘I guess you could do it.’ (Jimmy Fallon Quotes)
The Senate came one vote short of granting approval to build the Keystone pipeline. Democrats say the pipeline could accelerate global warming. Then people who’ve been outside today said, ‘Sounds good to me. Let’s accelerate that global warming.’ (Jimmy Fallon Quotes)
This week Bill Clinton tweeted a photo of himself reading George W. Bush’s new book 41.’ Then George W. Bush responded to that post on Instagram. Then John McCain said ‘You two are hilarious’ by telegraph (Jimmy Fallon Quotes)
After a six-year battle, the Senate will vote next week to begin construction on the Keystone XL pipeline, which is an oil pipeline that runs from Canada to the Gulf Coast. They’re hoping the pipeline will provide enough oil to cover Kim Kardashian’s next photo shoot (Jimmy Fallon Quotes)
The heroic New York doctor who caught Ebola has been declared Ebola free. President Obama called the doctor to thank him for his selflessness and compassion. Then to be safe, Obama threw his phone in a trash can and lit it on fire (Jimmy Fallon Quotes)
After President Obama announced his support for net neutrality yesterday, Texas Senator Ted Cruz tweeted that ‘Net neutrality is Obamacare for the Internet.’ While Ted Cruz continues to be the Taylor Swift of not getting over Obamacare (Jimmy Fallon Quotes)
Both President Obama and former President George W. Bush were interviewed on ‘Face the Nation’ over the weekend. President Bush said there’s a 50 percent chance his brother Jeb will run for president in 2016. Then he said, ‘But there’s an 80 percent chance he won’t.’ (Jimmy Fallon Quotes)
It was the 60th anniversary of ‘Face the Nation.’ During his interview, President Obama said, ‘Our country doesn’t fear the future. We grab it.’ Nothing says you grab the future like going on a 60-year-old show hosted by a 77-year-old-man to speak to a 90-year-old audience (Jimmy Fallon Quotes)
I’m so excited. Jay Leno is on the show tonight. He brought some really funny jokes and some great stories. Although I’m a little concerned he also brought his old desk and Kevin Eubanks. I just want Jay to be comfortable, but not too comfortable (Jimmy Fallon Quotes)
Now that the midterm elections are over, President Obama has invited congressional leaders from both parties to a meeting at the White House tomorrow. When asked if he’s nervous, Obama said, ‘Oh, I’m not going to be there. I just invited them over. They can figure it out themselves.’ (Jimmy Fallon Quotes)
After Michael Jordan recently criticized President Obama’s golf game, Obama responded by saying that Jordan should spend more time thinking about his basketball team, the Charlotte Hornets. Then Jordan said, ‘Do you really want to talk about whose team got crushed this week?’ (Jimmy Fallon Quotes)
The big news is the midterm elections. Last night Republicans picked up a dozen seats in the House to give them their biggest majority since World War II. Or as they put it, ‘Time to party like it’s 1939!’ (Jimmy Fallon Quotes)
Republican Scott Brown lost his bid for Senate in New Hampshire last night, two years after he was voted out as Senator in Massachusetts. When asked what he was planning to do next, he said, ‘Are they still looking for a mayor in Toronto?’ (Jimmy Fallon Quotes)
President Obama spent Election Day away from any press coverage, attending closed-door meetings inside the White House. But on the bright side, it is nice to see some doors actually closed at the White House. It’s a whole new Secret Service security thing (Jimmy Fallon Quotes)
Today is the midterm elections. The Washington Post is predicting that there’s a 98 percent chance of the Republicans taking the Senate and The New York Times says there’s a 75 percent chance. And CNN said, ‘Wait, that’s today?’ (Jimmy Fallon Quotes)
Politicians are really getting desperate. In fact, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid sent out a final fundraising email to Democrats with the subject line, ‘I’m begging.’ Because what better way to show you’re a strong leader than acting like you’re drunk and dialing your ex? (Jimmy Fallon Quotes)
People ask me, Jimmy, howd you get here tonight. Lets just say it involved a two-hour make-out session with Elaine Stritch. It got pretty heavy actually, I almost had to host (Jimmy Fallon Quotes)
Officials at the London Olympics will be conducting 5,000 tests for steroids. Or as Lance Armstrong calls that, ‘a Monday.’ (Jimmy Fallon Quotes)
Mitt Romney will travel to London where he will attend the Olympics opening ceremony. Of course it’s going ot be weird when they’re announcing all the countries, and he’s like ‘Got a bank account there, got one there, two bank accounts there.’ (Jimmy Fallon Quotes)
New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie is going to Israel. He’s going to be pretty disappointed when he finds out the Gaza Strip isn’t a steak (Jimmy Fallon Quotes)
Yesterday on CNN, Joe Biden said he hasn’t made up his mind about whether he’ll run for president in 2016. Which raises the question: ‘Who was raising that question?’ (Jimmy Fallon Quotes)
Yesterday the CEO of Citigroup said that he can understand why all these Occupy Wall Street protesters are so frustrated. In fact, he felt so bad for them, he gave himself a $10 million sympathy bonus (Jimmy Fallon Quotes)