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Jimmy Fallon Quotes

Don't look back you're not going that way - Inspirational Quotes
I like me a little bit more when i'm with you - Love Quotes
A true friend is someone who accepts your past, supports your present and encourages your future - Friend Quotes
I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five or six times, just to be sure - Funny Quotes
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results - Albert Einstein Quotes
Having you in my life made everything better - Love Quotes
Money may not buy happiness, but it's better to cry in a Lamborghini - Funny Quotes
The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary - Work Quotes
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Text Quotes
Senate Democrats blocked President Obama’s trade bill yesterday because they’re worried it could hurt jobs. It’s not an issue for Republicans, since they’ve all found work as presidential candidates  (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) In celebration of Mother’s Day yesterday, President Obama called three moms who had written him letters. Then kids who made their mom a macaroni necklace said, ‘Thanks, Obama.’  (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) A house panel in Texas has approved full marijuana legalization for the state. Yeah, meaning Texas could go from having dude ranches to ‘Dude, ranches.’  (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) Hillary Clinton made a campaign stop in Las Vegas yesterday. She said she wants citizenship for undocumented immigrants. But after seeing Americans celebrate Cinco de Mayo yesterday, immigrants said, ‘You know what, we’re good. We’re gonna head back now. We had enough.’  (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) Bernie Sanders’ presidential campaign announced that it raised over $1.5 million in the 24 hours after he announced his bid. Meanwhile, a 12-year-old on Kickstarter just raised $7 million in five minutes after announcing his idea for juice box water guns  (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) I read that as marijuana legalization becomes more popular, it could affect the jobs of drug-sniffing dogs. Or as those dogs put it, ‘Thanks, Bo Obama.’  (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders is expected to announce tomorrow that he is running for president, making him Hillary Clinton’s only Democratic challenger so far. Or as Hillary put it, ‘Oooo, appetizers!’  (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) During a recent press conference, former President Jimmy Carter said he could never run for president today because he doesn’t have a lot of money. Well, that and the fact that he’s the famously bad president Jimmy Carter  (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) In a two-hour interview last Friday, Bruce Jenner told ABC’s Diane Sawyer, ‘For all intents and purposes, I’m a woman.’ At which point, Joe Biden ran in and started giving Bruce a shoulder rub  (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) New York Mayor Bill de Blasio has been positioning himself to challenge Hillary Clinton for the Democratic nomination. Hillary once developed a program to deliver rural healthcare, while de Blasio once dropped a groundhog on its head  (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) Today is Earth Day. Environmentalists spent the day drawing attention to the Earth, while the Earth just spent the day checking Facebook to see which planets wished it a happy Earth Day  (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) Marco Rubio’s presidential campaign has raised $40 million in the last week. When he heard that, Rubio said, ‘Hey, any chance I can drop out of the race and just keep the 40 million?’  (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) There are reports that Kim Jong Un climbed North Korea’s highest mountain. Kim Jong Un said all it took to climb that mountain was hard work, determination, and lying about climbing that mountain  (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) In a new interview, the president discussed the upcoming election. He said that Hillary Clinton is going to do great as a presidential candidate. When asked how Biden would do, Obama said, ‘Hillary’s going to do great.’  (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) A group called Draft Biden 2016 has started selling bumper stickers that say ‘I’m ridin’ with Biden.’ It’s a lot better than the other one that women around the White House have started using - ‘I’m hidin’ from Biden.’  (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) Arizona Senator John McCain announced that he plans on running for a sixth term because he is concerned about the nation’s security. He plans to help just like any other 80-year-old: by sitting on his porch with a police scanner  (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) John McCain addressed critics who believe he will be too old to run for a sixth term in the Senate, saying that he’s still healthy and ready to go. Then people around McCain said, ‘Why is he talking to that mannequin?’  (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) John McCain responded to critics who say he’s too old for a sixth term by saying that his mother is 103 years old and doing well. The crazy thing is that even she is somehow younger than John McCain  (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) Rand Paul is officially running for president. He even revealed his campaign slogan, which is ‘Defeat the Washington machine. Unleash the American dream.’ It’s hard to tell if he’s running for president or doing an infomercial for Bowflex  (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) Jeb Bush is facing criticism after it was just revealed that he checked off his race as ‘Hispanic’ on a voter registration form back in 2009. When asked if he regrets it now, Bush said, ‘Si.’  (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) Iran said it will give up trying to make a nuclear weapon. But it got awkward when Iran said, ‘But just for Lent. We’ll start again on Monday.’  (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) We have first lady Michelle Obama on the show tonight. As you’d expect, security’s been pretty tight. On my way in I got five pat-downs, and that was just from Joe Biden  (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) Ted Cruz raised over a million dollars after announcing that he’s running for president. Which is why today RadioShack announced that it is also running for president  (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) President Obama recently sat down with ESPN and said the NCAA should reduce the shot clock for basketball games. Then he said, ‘And while we’re at it, is there any way they can reduce the ‘being president clock?’  (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) Hillary Clinton was actually inducted into the Irish American Hall of Fame yesterday. Hillary said she’s very proud of her Irish heritage or her Italian heritage or her Asian heritage. Whatever it takes to seal the deal with you guys. I’ve got to get into that Oval Office  (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) Mitt Romney announced he will fight former heavyweight champion Evander Holyfield in a charity boxing match. You can tell that Romney is serious about it. Today, his butler gave him a piggyback ride up the steps of the Philadelphia art museum  (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) This weekend President Obama attended the annual Gridiron Club Dinner, and during his speech he joked that he is getting older and crankier. Which explains why he announced he no longer supports President Obama  (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) Yesterday, the Supreme Court spent over an hour listening to arguments on whether Obamacare is unconstitutional. Yeah, listening to arguments about Obamacare for an hour, or as most people call that, ‘Thanksgiving Dinner.’  (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) This weekend the Conservative Political Action Conference, CPAC, featured several speakers including Sarah Palin and Phil Robertson from ‘Duck Dynasty.’ It was a good weekend for conservatives - and a great weekend for wild animals  (Jimmy Fallon Quotes) During the CPAC conference, Rand Paul told the crowd it was time for a new president and that people need to help make the change. Of course, most people agreed with him, since that’s how term limits work  (Jimmy Fallon Quotes)
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