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Jeff Garlin Quotes

The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary
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I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five or six times, just to be sure
I told you I'll be ready in FIVE minutes, stop calling me every half hour
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Don't look back you're not going that way
Men go shopping to buy what they need. Women go shopping to find out what they want
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You don't need someone to complete you. You only need someone to accept you completely
And then you meet one person and your life changes forever
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The darkest nights produce the brightest stars
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Text Quotes
I do love directing. It’s probably my favorite thing that I do.  (Jeff Garlin Quotes) Forget ‘full of myself,’ I’m not remotely impressed with myself  (Jeff Garlin Quotes) I’m from Chicago and it’s a huge influence on me  (Jeff Garlin Quotes) I’m a freak for great movies. I love movies  (Jeff Garlin Quotes) I’m totally comfortable not being as funny as Larry David  (Jeff Garlin Quotes) I hate cellphones. They are not for good, they’re for evil. They’re for gossip.  (Jeff Garlin Quotes) Parents have got to chill out. Let your kid eat dirt - they’re gonna be fine!  (Jeff Garlin Quotes) I like raconteurs; I like conversation. I liked the ‘Tonight Show’ when it was 90 minutes, I like when people aren’t plugging things per se, and they’re just in the moment being interesting.  (Jeff Garlin Quotes) There’s only one true superpower amongst human beings, and that is being funny. People treat you differently if you can make them laugh.  (Jeff Garlin Quotes) First off, I don’t do self-deprecation comedy based on being fat. I would always talk about it honestly. Secondly, I don’t care how much I weigh.  (Jeff Garlin Quotes) My kids have played soccer and baseball and basketball, and the parents who come to games are always saying and doing things that are just wildly inappropriate.  (Jeff Garlin Quotes) The reality is [in] any emotional situation, a compulsive eater eats or an alcoholic drinks. What people misunderstand is that when you’re a compulsive overeater, you don’t just eat when things are bad. You eat when you feel anything.  (Jeff Garlin Quotes) Acting’s fine if the script’s written by Paddy Chayefsky and Martin Scorsese directs it, but unless you have something like that, I don’t really enjoy acting  (Jeff Garlin Quotes) When you see a bad romantic comedy, you see the script, the director, and the actors trying to create this warmth and this pathos and this feeling that you care about them. That cannot be manufactured - it’s either there or it isn’t  (Jeff Garlin Quotes) I’ve avoided doing network shows because I don’t think they’re true to real families  (Jeff Garlin Quotes) I like independent movies, documentaries. There’s not a lot of movies that are commercially made that I dig  (Jeff Garlin Quotes) If you’re gonna be a maniac, pyro’s not a good maniac  (Jeff Garlin Quotes) Comedians sometimes forget that there’s an audience. You gotta be conscious that you’re performing for other human beings  (Jeff Garlin Quotes) I felt very comfortable about myself when I was much heavier. I feel much better about myself from being fit  (Jeff Garlin Quotes) I never analyze stuff with comedy because it’s boring. It makes you stop being funny. Just be who you are and do what you do, and you’re either funny or you’re not  (Jeff Garlin Quotes) I hate cellphones. They are not for good, they’re for evil. They’re for gossip  (Jeff Garlin Quotes) As an individual doing a podcast, you don’t get even remotely rich. It’s not something to do for money  (Jeff Garlin Quotes) There’s only one true superpower amongst human beings, and that is being funny. People treat you differently if you can make them laugh  (Jeff Garlin Quotes) The worst kind of idiot is the one who doesn’t think they’re an idiot  (Jeff Garlin Quotes)