Advertisements
Jarod Kintz Quotes
Advertisements
Advertisements
Advertisements
Advertisements
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
){kind=link}
Friendship Quotes
Love Quotes
Life Quotes
Funny Quotes
Motivational Quotes
Inspirational Quotes
Advertisements
Text Quotes
I walk like a guitar being strummed, and I love like cheese being forced through a grater. I like my nachos covered in melted music. (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
I accidentally sealed the box shut with my penis still inside, not realizing I may need to use it later. Being in love can be so distracting. (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
The smell of coffee was enough to wake up my neighbors. In a display of gratitude, they complained about my music being too loud. (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
I played hard for four quarters, and I took home a dollar. And with college being about pay to play, I earned my spot on the bench. (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
Wisdom is knowing when you are being patient, and when you are wasting time by waiting (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
Not only do I not believe in not believing in God, I’m also a big supporter of crutches, canes, walkers, and anything that helps support man through difficult times. (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
The best birthday present is an empty box. Smile, it contains all my love for you. (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
Boxes of toilet paper make the best birthday presents. They really show I give a shit. (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
My parents always said that knowledge was the best gift they could give me, probably because they were too cheap to buy me Christmas or Birthday presents. (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
I’m a Pisces, and people say that Pisces make the best the best lovers. That’s because Pisces are fish, and it’s like my grandpa always used to say, The next best thing to making love to a mermaid, is having sex with a fish. (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
I’ve often wondered what makes a relationship last. I guess the best answer is it’s the one right after the next to the last one. (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
A smile is like a simile, if you have a mouth like a metaphor. That would make for like the best kiss ever. (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
My wife and I were together for two years. Those were the best two days of my life. (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
A telephone cord used to make an excellent leash on people. Now metal chains work better. (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
Together kabobs make the world better than all the Bobs combined. Well, at least ever since Bob Ross moved on to the land of the happy trees. (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
How many midget feet can you fit in your shoes? Depends on how big your penis is. Mine is 17 syllables long, like a haiku. (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
The ocean in the sky keeps my love fresh like boat shoes that are too big to fail. My heart is flooded with feelings like Noah one knows. (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
I’m bilingual, speaking English and body language. I prefer the latter, because I can speak it silently and without listening and while my back is turned. (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
Love is a speedy bird that looks like a fish. If you catch one in the sky, try not to drown. (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
Last night my shadow exploded into hundreds of fluttering black birds, foreshadowing my love taking flight under the cover of camouflage. (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
33 old people went into a nursing home, and only 34 people came out alive. One old woman died while giving birth to twins. (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
I am a social outcast, shunned by society. Nobody ever invites me to parties. My own birthday avoids me, and only comes around every two years. (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
It’s a black and white issue: gray is grey, and there’s no two ways about it (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
A karate black belt would make a great blindfold on a kidnap victim, after you karate chop them into submission. (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
In a blind taste-test, my kisses were rated as Helen Kelleresque. Women love how the only sense I keenly possess is nonsense. (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
I smiled, and you winked. I think. Perhaps you merely blink with one eye at a time. (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
Blood may be thicker than water, but it’s certainly not as thick as ketchup. Nor does it go as well with French fries. (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
The sky was as blue as orange could get. I love sunsets at noon, and forks disguised as spoons. (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
Most scars are invisible. Damn transparent knives. Does anything cut deeper than love? I need to get some new body armor. (Jarod Kintz Quotes)
Love has a shape, but no color. You’re probably wondering, If it’s transparent, how do you know what shape it is? Good question. Well, for one thing, I put it together, and for another, I’m currently wearing it like body armor (though to the casual observer, I appear naked). (Jarod Kintz Quotes)