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Groucho Marx Quotes
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![[Mrs. Teasdale]: He’s had a change of heart. [Groucho]: A lot of good that’ll do him. He’s still got the same face Picture Quote #1](https://img.picturequotes.com/2/765/764925/764925.webp "[Mrs. Teasdale]: He’s had a change of heart. [Groucho]: A lot of good that’ll do him. He’s still got the same face Picture Quote #1")
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Friendship Quotes
Love Quotes
Life Quotes
Funny Quotes
Motivational Quotes
Inspirational Quotes
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Text Quotes
I’m not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are (Groucho Marx Quotes)
There’s one thing I always wanted to do before I quit... retire! (Groucho Marx Quotes)
Always examine the dice (Groucho Marx Quotes)
Making love to your wife is like shooting at sitting ducks (Groucho Marx Quotes)
That’s nothing. My alarm clock is set for eight (Groucho Marx Quotes)
If it gets any hotter in here I could use a big fan (Groucho Marx Quotes)
I wish you’d keep my hands to yourself (Groucho Marx Quotes)
If you want to see a comic strip, you should see me in the shower (Groucho Marx Quotes)
Women should be obscene, not heard (Groucho Marx Quotes)
Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money (Groucho Marx Quotes)
Celebrate the cracks, because that’s how the light comes in (Groucho Marx Quotes)
I’ll never forget my wedding day... they threw vitamin pills (Groucho Marx Quotes)
I hope they bury me near a strait man (Groucho Marx Quotes)
How would you like to feel the way she looks (Groucho Marx Quotes)
Heifer cow is better than none, but this is no time for puns (Groucho Marx Quotes)
Anybody who doesn’t like this book is healthy (Groucho Marx Quotes)
Here’s to our wives and girlfriends... May they never meet! (Groucho Marx Quotes)
I won’t belong to any organization that would have me as a member (Groucho Marx Quotes)
You bet I’m shy. I’m a shyster lawyer (Groucho Marx Quotes)
Don’t point that beard at me. It might go off (Groucho Marx Quotes)
Say the secret word and win a hundred dollars (Groucho Marx Quotes)
Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse (Groucho Marx Quotes)
But what makes wage slaves? Wages! (Groucho Marx Quotes)
There’s only two things you can start without a plan: a riot and a family, for everything else you need a plan (Groucho Marx Quotes)
I have an agreement with the houseflies. The flies don’t practice law and I don’t walk on the ceiling (Groucho Marx Quotes)
Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances. (Either that, or my luck’s terrible.) (Groucho Marx Quotes)
When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun.’ (Groucho Marx Quotes)
[Mrs. Teasdale]: He’s had a change of heart. [Groucho]: A lot of good that’ll do him. He’s still got the same face (Groucho Marx Quotes)
I’m going to Iowa for an award. Then I’m appearing at Carnegie Hall, it’s sold out. Then I’m sailing to France to be honored by the French government - I’d give it all up for one erection (Groucho Marx Quotes)
One woman and one man might have been OK in your grandmother’s day, but who wants to marry your grandmother? Not even your grandfather! (Groucho Marx Quotes)