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Funny Witty Quotes

A true friend is someone who accepts your past, supports your present and encourages your future - Friend Quotes
I told you I'll be ready in FIVE minutes, stop calling me every half hour - Funny Quotes
The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why - Mark Twain Quotes
I meant to behave but there were too many other options - Funny Quotes
Having you in my life made everything better - Love Quotes
Together is my favorite place to be - Love Quotes
A year from now you'll wish you started today - Work Quotes
Be yourself; everyone else is already taken - Oscar Wilde Quotes
Text Quotes
Well, I'm here. What's your next two wishes?  (Funny Witty Quotes) I really didn't mean to push all your buttons. I was just looking for mute  (Funny Witty Quotes) Bad things happen to good people because its funnier  (Funny Witty Quotes) All I ask is that you treat me no differently than you would a queen  (Funny Witty Quotes) Oops my bad. I could have sworn I was dealing with an adult  (Funny Witty Quotes) Your secrets are safe with me. There's a good chance I wasn't listening  (Funny Witty Quotes) Tact is for people who aren't witty enough to be sarcastic  (Funny Witty Quotes) If you don't want a sarcastic answer, then don't ask a stupid question!  (Funny Witty Quotes) I'm not good at advice, can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?  (Funny Witty Quotes) I enjoy talking to you, my mind needs a rest  (Funny Witty Quotes) Funny thing. I just got back from the center of the universe... I didn't see you anywhere  (Funny Witty Quotes) Life is short. False. It's the longest thing you do  (Funny Witty Quotes) My wife and i were happy for 20 years. Then we met  (Funny Witty Quotes) Honey, tact is for people who aren't witty enough to be sarcastic  (Funny Witty Quotes) Better a witty fool than a foolish wit  (Funny Witty Quotes) Life is not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you're drunk  (Funny Witty Quotes) The most exercise you get is running your mouth, jumping to conclusions, and pushing your luck  (Funny Witty Quotes) Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?  (Funny Witty Quotes) I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her  (Funny Witty Quotes) I Child-Proofed My House But They Still Get In  (Funny Witty Quotes) I'm not an alcoholic, alcoholics go to meetings. I'm a drunk, we go to parties  (Funny Witty Quotes) Life is hard. It's harder if your stupid  (Funny Witty Quotes) Here's a tissue for your issue  (Funny Witty Quotes) If no one comes from the future to stop you doing it, then how bad of a decision can it really be?  (Funny Witty Quotes) So... do you like music? No, no, I’m the one person on Earth who doesn’t like music  (Funny Witty Quotes)