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Elayne Boosler Quotes

Most people love animals, and most people love to laugh. Combining the two makes both resonate deeper Picture Quote #1

The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn’t have that rule when Jesus was born Picture Quote #1

Real comedy can’t be learned; it comes from a need for justice. The best who stand up, stand up for something Picture Quote #1

San Francisco is really fun and liberal, and it’s my kind of politics. It’s like being Jewish in front of Jewish people Picture Quote #1

I pray if I ever find out I have only about three minutes to live it’s during a basketball game, because then I’ll have, what, 10, 12 years to live? Picture Quote #1

Calgary wins for my coldest New Year’s Eve gig. That’s when I learned Fahrenheit and Celsius cross at 40 below. I could see callers’ breath coming out of my phone Picture Quote #1

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President Bush said he didn’t want to renew the Assault Weapons Ban because it might ‘infringe on hunters’ rights’. Who needs an AK-47 machine gun to go hunting? Let me tell you guys something... If it takes you 500 rounds to bring down a deer, I don’t want you going to the bathroom in MY house! Picture Quote #1

Men in power always seem to get involved in sex scandals, but women don’t even have a word for ‘male bimbo.’ Except maybe ‘senator Picture Quote #1

Men put all kinds of expectations on you. They want you to scream ‘You’re the best’ while swearing you’ve never done this with anyone before Picture Quote #1

When I played the Sahara Hotel in Las Vegas on New Year’s Eve, I got to bring Wiley, my 85-pound black lab. He’s responsible for my favorite New Year’s memory of all: At the end of the show, he ran onstage and then out across all the tables in the showroom, sending champagne glasses and gamblers flying Picture Quote #1

We’ve seen the uproars around the world concerning cartoons depicting the prophet Mohammad. Anyone who does not think comic strips are relevant never had a fatwa put on him/her for drawing a picture Picture Quote #1

Now that the Court has declared money to be speech, I say we replace the current Court with some Ben Franklins, Thomas Jeffersons, George Washingtons, a couple of Susan B. Anthony’s, Roosevelts, Hamiltons, a Sacajawea or two, and an Abe Lincoln to cover Scalia in full Picture Quote #1

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It doesn’t bother me that I’m not a household word on the East Coast. Baton Rouge, Raleigh, Minneapolis - I’m so popular in these cities where you’ve never imagined an East Coast comedian working Picture Quote #1

I never minded flying cheap. I always said to myself, ‘Taking this flight saves enough money to rescue four dogs, or six cats, or will let me make a difference to the one woman saving chimps in Cameroon.’ Picture Quote #1

I am thankful I was born in America, although if I gain any more weight the burqa thing may start to seem like a good idea to me. See? Another plus about America, you can always find some food Picture Quote #1

Wouldn’t it be great if you could only get AIDS by giving money to television preachers Picture Quote #1

The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn’t have that rule when Jesus was born Picture Quote #1

I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body Picture Quote #1

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To listen to your own silence is the key to comedy Picture Quote #1

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping Picture Quote #1

For a single woman, preparing for company means wiping the lipstick off the milk carton Picture Quote #1

I run everywhere and eavesdrop. It’s the best way to see a city Picture Quote #1

I can’t get married. I can’t fake sleep for 30 years Picture Quote #1

Designers don’t put out the same sweater every year. They just keep creating Picture Quote #1

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I guess in general, people tend to not eat the cute animals Picture Quote #1

I’m pretty equal opportunity when it comes to issues to joke about Picture Quote #1

The message of great art is to disturb Picture Quote #1

What do hookers do on their nights off, type? Picture Quote #1

I think about death. I don’t want to die with clothes in the cleaners Picture Quote #1

People are giving birth underwater now. They say it’s less traumatic for the baby because it’s in water. But certainly more traumatic for the other people in the pool Picture Quote #1

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Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

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Text Quotes

Most people love animals, and most people love to laugh. Combining the two makes both resonate deeper. (Elayne Boosler Quotes) The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn’t have that rule when Jesus was born. (Elayne Boosler Quotes) Real comedy can’t be learned; it comes from a need for justice. The best who stand up, stand up for something. (Elayne Boosler Quotes) San Francisco is really fun and liberal, and it’s my kind of politics. It’s like being Jewish in front of Jewish people. (Elayne Boosler Quotes) I pray if I ever find out I have only about three minutes to live it’s during a basketball game, because then I’ll have, what, 10, 12 years to live? (Elayne Boosler Quotes) Calgary wins for my coldest New Year’s Eve gig. That’s when I learned Fahrenheit and Celsius cross at 40 below. I could see callers’ breath coming out of my phone (Elayne Boosler Quotes) President Bush said he didn’t want to renew the Assault Weapons Ban because it might ‘infringe on hunters’ rights’. Who needs an AK-47 machine gun to go hunting? Let me tell you guys something... If it takes you 500 rounds to bring down a deer, I don’t want you going to the bathroom in MY house! (Elayne Boosler Quotes) Men in power always seem to get involved in sex scandals, but women don’t even have a word for ‘male bimbo.’ Except maybe ‘senator (Elayne Boosler Quotes) Men put all kinds of expectations on you. They want you to scream ‘You’re the best’ while swearing you’ve never done this with anyone before (Elayne Boosler Quotes) When I played the Sahara Hotel in Las Vegas on New Year’s Eve, I got to bring Wiley, my 85-pound black lab. He’s responsible for my favorite New Year’s memory of all: At the end of the show, he ran onstage and then out across all the tables in the showroom, sending champagne glasses and gamblers flying (Elayne Boosler Quotes) We’ve seen the uproars around the world concerning cartoons depicting the prophet Mohammad. Anyone who does not think comic strips are relevant never had a fatwa put on him/her for drawing a picture (Elayne Boosler Quotes) Now that the Court has declared money to be speech, I say we replace the current Court with some Ben Franklins, Thomas Jeffersons, George Washingtons, a couple of Susan B. Anthony’s, Roosevelts, Hamiltons, a Sacajawea or two, and an Abe Lincoln to cover Scalia in full (Elayne Boosler Quotes) It doesn’t bother me that I’m not a household word on the East Coast. Baton Rouge, Raleigh, Minneapolis - I’m so popular in these cities where you’ve never imagined an East Coast comedian working (Elayne Boosler Quotes) I never minded flying cheap. I always said to myself, ‘Taking this flight saves enough money to rescue four dogs, or six cats, or will let me make a difference to the one woman saving chimps in Cameroon.’ (Elayne Boosler Quotes) I am thankful I was born in America, although if I gain any more weight the burqa thing may start to seem like a good idea to me. See? Another plus about America, you can always find some food (Elayne Boosler Quotes) Wouldn’t it be great if you could only get AIDS by giving money to television preachers (Elayne Boosler Quotes) The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn’t have that rule when Jesus was born (Elayne Boosler Quotes) I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body (Elayne Boosler Quotes) To listen to your own silence is the key to comedy (Elayne Boosler Quotes) When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping (Elayne Boosler Quotes) For a single woman, preparing for company means wiping the lipstick off the milk carton (Elayne Boosler Quotes) I run everywhere and eavesdrop. It’s the best way to see a city (Elayne Boosler Quotes) I can’t get married. I can’t fake sleep for 30 years (Elayne Boosler Quotes) Designers don’t put out the same sweater every year. They just keep creating (Elayne Boosler Quotes) I guess in general, people tend to not eat the cute animals (Elayne Boosler Quotes) I’m pretty equal opportunity when it comes to issues to joke about (Elayne Boosler Quotes) The message of great art is to disturb (Elayne Boosler Quotes) What do hookers do on their nights off, type? (Elayne Boosler Quotes) I think about death. I don’t want to die with clothes in the cleaners (Elayne Boosler Quotes) People are giving birth underwater now. They say it’s less traumatic for the baby because it’s in water. But certainly more traumatic for the other people in the pool (Elayne Boosler Quotes)

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