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David Letterman Quotes

You don't need someone to complete you. You only need someone to accept you completely
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Dogs teach us a lot of things but none more important than to love unconditionally
Don't look back you're not going that way
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When we first met, i had no idea you would be so important to me
A girl doesn't need anyone who doesn't need her
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If cats could talk, they wouldn't
Together is my favorite place to be
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The darkest nights produce the brightest stars
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Text Quotes
Yesterday Senator John Kerry changed his mind and now supports the ban on gay marriages. I’m telling you this guy has more positions than Paris Hilton  (David Letterman Quotes) There’s only one requirement of any of us, and that is to be courageous. Because courage, as you might know, defines all other human behavior. And, I believe - because I’ve done a little of this myself - pretending to be courageous is just as good as the real thing  (David Letterman Quotes) Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today? 1) Writing his memoirs of the Civil War. 2) Advising the President. 3) Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin  (David Letterman Quotes) Baseball may be our national pastime, but the age-old tradition of taking a swing at Congress is a sport with even deeper historical roots in the American experience. Since the founding of our country, citizens from Ben Franklin to David Letterman have made fun of their elected officials  (David Letterman Quotes) I’d watched a lot of David Letterman for sure. As far as who I watched as a late-show host, it was definitely Letterman  (David Letterman Quotes) CBS is proud to have been the home of David Letterman since 1993. He is truly one of the great talents of our time, and we hope things work out  (David Letterman Quotes) Overall Bush’s European trip has been an overwhelming success. Not once has he gotten separated from his group  (David Letterman Quotes) Halloween is the beginning of the holiday shopping season. That’s for women. The beginning of the holiday shopping season for men is Christmas Eve  (David Letterman Quotes) Don’t kid yourself. Global warming is no joke. Here’s how serious global warming has gotten to be in the United States. In this country global warming is so bad, we are now actually starting to warm up to Barry Bonds  (David Letterman Quotes) I vote Democrat because I believe that businesses should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as the Democrat Party sees fit  (David Letterman Quotes) When I was a kid in Indiana, we thought it would be fun to get a turkey a year ahead of time and feed it and so on for the following Thanksgiving. But by the time Thanksgiving came around, we sort of thought of the turkey as a pet, so we ate the dog. Only kidding. It was the cat!  (David Letterman Quotes) Mitt Romney and his family have a big two-day weekend plan. They’re going to hike to the top of his money  (David Letterman Quotes) Last month Mitt Romney raised $76 million. He found it in an old sport-coat pocket  (David Letterman Quotes) Hey, guess who’s gay? The Green Lantern from the comic books. Today Mitt Romney knocked him down and shaved his head  (David Letterman Quotes) Newt Gingrich says he wants to get rid of Social Security. Who is more qualified to give this country financial advice than a guy who ran up a half-million dollar bill at Tiffany?  (David Letterman Quotes) Newt Gingrich wants to repeal child labor laws. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the man that we need to lead us into the 18th century  (David Letterman Quotes) Herman Cain was unaware that China is a nuclear power. And I said to myself, ‘Hey, Herman, how about making an unwanted advance on a history book?’  (David Letterman Quotes) Republicans are having trouble luring Gov. Chris Christie into the presidential race. They should try pie  (David Letterman Quotes) The candidates at the Republican debate looked like a town council that was outlawing dancing. They looked like a board of directors that was lying about poisoning a river  (David Letterman Quotes) Have you seen these Republican presidential candidates? I bet Obama is sorry now that he spent all that money on the new birth certificate  (David Letterman Quotes) Here’s why Sarah Palin says she won’t be running for president. She says she can be more effective at getting others elected by not running. And I thought, well, that’s true, because in 2008 she got Obama elected  (David Letterman Quotes) Over the weekend Mitt Romney went body surfing. He has not body surfed since the 90s when he starred on ‘Baywatch.’  (David Letterman Quotes) Osama bin Laden... lived in one house for, like, six years with three wives. And earlier today, they ruled his death was a suicide  (David Letterman Quotes) Newt Gingrich’s campaign is broke. All the money gone. So now he’s charging $50 for a photo. And for $100 you can marry him  (David Letterman Quotes) You all know Newt Gingrich. Newt is short for Newton. People say if that’s the case, what is Mitt short for? It’s short for ‘Mittens.’  (David Letterman Quotes) Osama bin Laden was living in that compound with three wives. It’s like he was Newt Gingrich  (David Letterman Quotes) I was talking to a friend about Santorum. He said, ‘For all my years in the State Department, I know one thing. Terrorists, what they fear most is a guy in a sweater vest.’  (David Letterman Quotes) Newt Gingrich has criticized ‘New York elites’ who ride the subway. One of those subway elites threw up on my pants this morning  (David Letterman Quotes) Mitt Romney said he’s not concerned about the very poor. What he means is people making less than a million  (David Letterman Quotes) I’m having trouble warming up to Mitt Romney. He looks like the guy in the restaurant that comes to your table to make sure everything’s all right  (David Letterman Quotes)
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