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David Letterman Quotes

Don't look back you're not going that way
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I like me a little bit more when i'm with you
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results
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Chocolate is the answer. Who cares what the question is
I meant to behave but there were too many other options
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If cats could talk, they wouldn't
And then you meet one person and your life changes forever
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When we first met, i had no idea you would be so important to me
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Text Quotes
Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever  (David Letterman Quotes) When you think about flying, it's nuts really. Here you are at about 40,000 feet, screaming along at 700 miles an hour and you're sitting there drinking Diet Pepsi and eating peanuts. It just doesn't make any sense  (David Letterman Quotes) The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know, some of these jokes just write themselves  (David Letterman Quotes) Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger  (David Letterman Quotes) Sometimes when you look in his eyes you get the feeling that someone else is driving  (David Letterman Quotes) America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked  (David Letterman Quotes) If it wasn’t for coffee, I’d have no discernible personality at all  (David Letterman Quotes) You’re not really drinking coffee unless you drink it black, don’t you think? Oh, no? You like to monkey with it?  (David Letterman Quotes) Experts say this global warming is serious, and they are predicting now that by the year 2050, we will be out of party ice  (David Letterman Quotes) While I was gone, I had quintuple bypass surgery on my heart. Plus, I got a haircut  (David Letterman Quotes) Gays are now allowed to serve openly in the military. So maybe our next war could be a musical  (David Letterman Quotes) Illinois is the only state where the present governor rides around in a car whose license plate was made by a previous governor  (David Letterman Quotes) It’s interesting what former presidents do when they leave office. Bush is now working as a motivational speaker. And if you want to be motivated, who better to turn to than the guy who invaded the wrong country and started a depression  (David Letterman Quotes) The best part about holiday parties is the alcohol. You have a couple of drinks and you tell your coworkers and your superiors what you really think about them. And then the fun begins  (David Letterman Quotes) Number one way life would be different if dogs ran the world: All motorists must drive with head out window  (David Letterman Quotes) Two creative spirits in a relationship, I don’t think that’s the best way to go  (David Letterman Quotes) Airport screeners are now scanning holiday fruitcakes. Not even the scanners can tell what those little red things are  (David Letterman Quotes) I’d do a podcast about guys wearing shorts when it’s too cold  (David Letterman Quotes) Everyone has this sense of togetherness right now. For example, one guy on the subway today, he wanted to share my pants  (David Letterman Quotes) The world’s oldest woman passed away at 116. They keep dying. I think that title may be cursed  (David Letterman Quotes) According to a new survey, people who get divorced die early. People who stay married live longer. The difference is they just wish they were dead  (David Letterman Quotes) The senator got so tired on the campaign trail that he started kissing hands and shaking babies  (David Letterman Quotes) Hillary’s trying to appear downhome. Earlier today she was sitting on the front porch of a general store whittling a pantsuit  (David Letterman Quotes) Today is tax day. A lot of people are hoping they get refunds. And that’s just the folks here in the audience  (David Letterman Quotes) It’s two days until tax time. I know it’s late, but there is still time to deduct this show as a loss  (David Letterman Quotes) Hillary has now erased all of her emails, and she also had all of her pantsuits dry cleaned  (David Letterman Quotes) You’ve got to be careful smoking weed. It causes memory loss. And also, it causes memory loss  (David Letterman Quotes) Ladies and gentlemen, after what I’ve been through, I am happy just to be wearing clothes that open in the front  (David Letterman Quotes) Night clubs scare me. They’re dark and they stink and they’re dangerous and everybody’s drunk  (David Letterman Quotes) It’s disappointing when you finally get to meet someone you admire and he conducts himself as a jerk  (David Letterman Quotes)
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