HOME POPULAR Love Life Inspiration Motivation Funny Friendship Family Faith Happy Hurt Sad Cute Success Wisdom ALL TOPICS Animals Art Attitude Beauty Business Birthdays Dreams Facts Fitness Food Forgiving Miss You Nature Peace Smile So True Sports Teenage Trust Movie TV Weddings More.. AUTHORS Einstein Plato Aristotle Twain Monroe Jefferson Wilde Carroll Confucius Hepburn Dalai Lama Lewis Lincoln Mandela Lao Tzu Ford More.. Meme Maker University Memes
Follow On Pinterest

Daniel Tosh Quotes

Dogs teach us a lot of things but none more important than to love unconditionally - Dog Quotes
I meant to behave but there were too many other options - Funny Quotes
The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why - Mark Twain Quotes
Chocolate is the answer. Who cares what the question is - Funny Quotes
I like me a little bit more when i'm with you - Love Quotes
A girl doesn't need anyone who doesn't need her - Marilyn Monroe Quotes
And then you meet one person and your life changes forever - Love Quotes
Men go shopping to buy what they need. Women go shopping to find out what they want - Funny Quotes
1 2 3
Text Quotes
I don’t know why I get away with some things. But I’m not a misogynistic, racist person. Yet I do find those jokes funny, so I say them. And I try to say everything kind of in a good spirit.  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) I’m not a racist or misogynist person, but I find these jokes funny, so I say them  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) I don’t know, maybe I’m immature, but I still find it funny if I dump cold water on my girlfriend when she’s in the shower.  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) E foundation to a good friendship is trust but the foundation to good comedy is by betraying your friends.  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) If you look at the Bible and you look at Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, we all know who sinned first. Ladies, do you have to eat everything?  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) If security guards aren’t allowed to carry guns, I don’t have to obey their made up rules  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) I don’t know what fire is made of - hell nobody does. All I know is that fire is awesome. I’m not a pyromaniac, but I am a pyroenthusiast.  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) No touching... Cashmere is highly sensitive to the oil in poor people’s fingers.  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) Finding my dog’s g spot is taking way longer than I would care to admit  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) Fifty Shades Of Grey proved you can write about a dude choking women and shoving stuff up their butts but heaven forbid if you tell a legitimate joke about it. Sure I doubled the number of feminists who hate me, but I also doubled the number of shows I have on TV. No regrets.  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) If it weren’t for men, this planet would be overrun with giant spiders  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) God does not hate gay people. He’s just mad because they found a loophole in His system.  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) I’m like our fearless leader [Jesus]. Where do I get my inspiration? I don’t know. I just make fun of everything.  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) My favorite thing to steal is a kiss. You can get arrested for it but they can’t force you to give it back.  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) The hardest working person in showbusiness has never been or ever will be a ‘famous person’.  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) When you’re in young love your pulse pounds, your palms sweat, and there are butterflies in your stomach. It’s like diarrhea for your heart.  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) You know what really shuts up a bully? Learning how to build a pipe-bomb!  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) I hope God speaks English. If I get up to heaven and have to point at a menu, I’m gonna be pissed  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) I really don’t work a whole lot as far as touring, but I do stand-up every night of my life, no matter where I am. It’s really made the touring a lot less grueling  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) That Asian guy is really good at kicking. Shocking. Someone is pressing ‘A’ really fast somewhere  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) We’ll put an asterisk next to Barry Bonds’ name, sure, as soon as we put one next to Babe Ruth’s name. Getting to break records before black people were allowed to play? Excuse me, where is that asterisk?  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) Women can do anything men can do. Except math, chess, running, jumping, lifting stuff, fixing things, making money, hockey, surfing, driving, making decisions, being tall, taking out the garbage, tipping, fishing, being funny (on purpose), reading a map, listening to good bands, writing, running the country, inventing anything important, or being fun to hang out with  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) The national anthem blows. Are you kidding me? Do any of you have it on your iPod?  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) I’m sick of the media making female sports athletes into supermodels, when they’re clearly sixes at best  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) I can say that. I have a television show  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) I apologize if there’s a Parkinson’s painter in the audience. I assume you do your best work in the morning. Probably gets abstract by noon  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) I think pro-athletes should be forced to use steroids. I think we as fans deserve the greatest athletes science can create! Lets go! Anything that will make you run faster, jump higher! I have High-Definition TV! I want my athletes like my video games! Lets go! I could care less if you die at 40. You hate life after sports anyways. I’m doing you a favor  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) I will shut down Instagram so girls can’t use filters into tricking us that they are that pretty; you’re eyes aren’t that blue, and you don’t glow.  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) Do you know there is actually a blood test out there now to find out if your kid is gay or not? Yeah, it’s an HIV test.  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) Being an ugly girl is like being a man... You’re going to have to work  (Daniel Tosh Quotes)
1 2 3