|

|

Advertisements

Daniel Tosh Quotes

There’s only one thing better than the cutest cat in the world Picture Quote #1

Germany’s like Wisconsin, but with, like, a really bad past Picture Quote #1

Bill Hicks is a huge influence. I love him Picture Quote #1

You know who makes a great first impression? Liars Picture Quote #1

At least gays don’t kill babies before their due date Picture Quote #1

Describe your perfect man who looks like me Picture Quote #1

Advertisements

Cheaters never prosper, unless they get away with it Picture Quote #1

The only thing better than the world’s cutest cat is any dog Picture Quote #1

I fell asleep watching the country music channel and woke up racist Picture Quote #1

Big, skinny, regular size it doesn’t matter as long as your young Picture Quote #1

I will not date a woman from China, because that is a big red flag Picture Quote #1

Girls can fake orgasms, but boys can fake love Picture Quote #1

Advertisements

Recently started flat ironing my ball hair. Come on ladies, you know how it is; if you have curly hair you just want straight hair Picture Quote #1

Fifty Shades Of Grey proved you can write about a dude choking women and shoving stuff up their butts but heaven forbid if you tell a legitimate joke about it. Sure I doubled the number of feminists who hate me, but I also doubled the number of shows I have on TV. No regrets Picture Quote #1

Much like Down Syndrome, red hair is a genetic mutation, and it occurs when a human has unprotected sex with a clown Picture Quote #1

Even the klan revamped their image by losing the hoods and changing their name to the Tea Party Picture Quote #1

My father wanted me to have all the educational opportunities he never had... so he sent me to a girls school Picture Quote #1

It’s not that hard to climb a pole. All you need are powerful thighs and an empty soul Picture Quote #1

Advertisements

I don’t know what popping-and-locking is but I know to lock my car door whenever people are doing it Picture Quote #1

Spelling is difficult because there are too many rules. Silent letters only exist to make it harder for illegal immigrants to learn English Picture Quote #1

The hardest working person in showbusiness has never been or ever will be a ‘famous person’ Picture Quote #1

My favorite thing to steal is a kiss. You can get arrested for it but they can’t force you to give it back Picture Quote #1

I’m like our fearless leader [Jesus]. Where do I get my inspiration? I don’t know. I just make fun of everything Picture Quote #1

When you’re in young love your pulse pounds, your palms sweat, and there are butterflies in your stomach. It’s like diarrhea for your heart Picture Quote #1

Advertisements

How about we get rid of separate bathrooms for boys and girls? Gays and straights share the bathroom with zero issues. We need to put an end to the sexist pooping policies of yesterday. The only way to achieve gender equality is to start crapping in front of each other Picture Quote #1

Oh, southern rappers... so hard to write a rhyme when you only know 30 words Picture Quote #1

I don’t want to develop a personality, just cut my face! Stretch it and staple it. Now I’m happy, or at least I look like it Picture Quote #1

Of course money buys happiness. You ever seen a homeless person skip? The answer to that riddle’s no. They’re not allowed Picture Quote #1

They say money doesn’t buy happiness. That phrase should end with ‘just kidding’ Picture Quote #1

If security guards aren’t allowed to carry guns, I don’t have to obey their made up rules Picture Quote #1

1 2 3

Friendship Quotes

Motivational Quotes

Inspirational Quotes

Advertisements

Text Quotes

There’s only one thing better than the cutest cat in the world (Daniel Tosh Quotes) Germany’s like Wisconsin, but with, like, a really bad past (Daniel Tosh Quotes) Bill Hicks is a huge influence. I love him (Daniel Tosh Quotes) You know who makes a great first impression? Liars. (Daniel Tosh Quotes) At least gays don’t kill babies before their due date (Daniel Tosh Quotes) Describe your perfect man who looks like me... (Daniel Tosh Quotes) Cheaters never prosper, unless they get away with it (Daniel Tosh Quotes) The only thing better than the world’s cutest cat is any dog (Daniel Tosh Quotes) I fell asleep watching the country music channel and woke up racist (Daniel Tosh Quotes) Big, skinny, regular size it doesn’t matter as long as your young (Daniel Tosh Quotes) I will not date a woman from China, because that is a big red flag (Daniel Tosh Quotes) Girls can fake orgasms, but boys can fake love (Daniel Tosh Quotes) Recently started flat ironing my ball hair. Come on ladies, you know how it is; if you have curly hair you just want straight hair. (Daniel Tosh Quotes) Fifty Shades Of Grey proved you can write about a dude choking women and shoving stuff up their butts but heaven forbid if you tell a legitimate joke about it. Sure I doubled the number of feminists who hate me, but I also doubled the number of shows I have on TV. No regrets. (Daniel Tosh Quotes) Much like Down Syndrome, red hair is a genetic mutation, and it occurs when a human has unprotected sex with a clown. (Daniel Tosh Quotes) Even the klan revamped their image by losing the hoods and changing their name to the Tea Party (Daniel Tosh Quotes) My father wanted me to have all the educational opportunities he never had... so he sent me to a girls school. (Daniel Tosh Quotes) It’s not that hard to climb a pole. All you need are powerful thighs and an empty soul. (Daniel Tosh Quotes) I don’t know what popping-and-locking is but I know to lock my car door whenever people are doing it. (Daniel Tosh Quotes) Spelling is difficult because there are too many rules. Silent letters only exist to make it harder for illegal immigrants to learn English. (Daniel Tosh Quotes) The hardest working person in showbusiness has never been or ever will be a ‘famous person’. (Daniel Tosh Quotes) My favorite thing to steal is a kiss. You can get arrested for it but they can’t force you to give it back. (Daniel Tosh Quotes) I’m like our fearless leader [Jesus]. Where do I get my inspiration? I don’t know. I just make fun of everything. (Daniel Tosh Quotes) When you’re in young love your pulse pounds, your palms sweat, and there are butterflies in your stomach. It’s like diarrhea for your heart. (Daniel Tosh Quotes) How about we get rid of separate bathrooms for boys and girls? Gays and straights share the bathroom with zero issues. We need to put an end to the sexist pooping policies of yesterday. The only way to achieve gender equality is to start crapping in front of each other. (Daniel Tosh Quotes) Oh, southern rappers... so hard to write a rhyme when you only know 30 words. (Daniel Tosh Quotes) I don’t want to develop a personality, just cut my face! Stretch it and staple it. Now I’m happy, or at least I look like it. (Daniel Tosh Quotes) Of course money buys happiness. You ever seen a homeless person skip? The answer to that riddle’s no. They’re not allowed. (Daniel Tosh Quotes) They say money doesn’t buy happiness. That phrase should end with ‘just kidding’. (Daniel Tosh Quotes) If security guards aren’t allowed to carry guns, I don’t have to obey their made up rules (Daniel Tosh Quotes)

1 2 3