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Daniel Tosh Quotes

Be yourself; everyone else is already taken - Oscar Wilde Quotes
When we first met, i had no idea you would be so important to me - Love Quotes
I like me a little bit more when i'm with you - Love Quotes
Men go shopping to buy what they need. Women go shopping to find out what they want - Funny Quotes
If cats could talk, they wouldn't - Cat Quotes
Chocolate is the answer. Who cares what the question is - Funny Quotes
The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary - Work Quotes
A true friend is someone who accepts your past, supports your present and encourages your future - Friend Quotes
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Text Quotes
There’s only one thing better than the cutest cat in the world  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) Big, skinny, regular size it doesn’t matter as long as your young  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) Bill Hicks is a huge influence. I love him  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) Describe your perfect man who looks like me...  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) At least gays don’t kill babies before their due date  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) Germany’s like Wisconsin, but with, like, a really bad past  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) I’m not honest, but you’re interesting!  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) The only thing better than the world’s cutest cat is any dog  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) I fell asleep watching the country music channel and woke up racist  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) Girls can fake orgasms, but boys can fake love  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) You know who makes a great first impression? Liars.  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) Cheaters never prosper, unless they get away with it  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) I will not date a woman from China, because that is a big red flag  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) How about we get rid of separate bathrooms for boys and girls? Gays and straights share the bathroom with zero issues. We need to put an end to the sexist pooping policies of yesterday. The only way to achieve gender equality is to start crapping in front of each other.  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) It’s not that hard to climb a pole. All you need are powerful thighs and an empty soul.  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) I’m not a good actor, I can play myself and a much gayer version of myself. That’s my range.  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) My father wanted me to have all the educational opportunities he never had... so he sent me to a girls school.  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) I’m aware that I should end a joke with the good part, I choose not too  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) They say money doesn’t buy happiness. That phrase should end with ‘just kidding’.  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) Much like Down Syndrome, red hair is a genetic mutation, and it occurs when a human has unprotected sex with a clown.  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) Girls say it’s hard to find nice guys. It’s actually really easy. It’s just all nice guys are ugly.  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) Of course money buys happiness. You ever seen a homeless person skip? The answer to that riddle’s no. They’re not allowed.  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) Recently started flat ironing my ball hair. Come on ladies, you know how it is; if you have curly hair you just want straight hair.  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) I feel bad sometimes because I secretly hope New Orleans gets nailed again  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) I don’t want to develop a personality, just cut my face! Stretch it and staple it. Now I’m happy, or at least I look like it.  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) Even the klan revamped their image by losing the hoods and changing their name to the Tea Party  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) I don’t know what popping-and-locking is but I know to lock my car door whenever people are doing it.  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) Oh, southern rappers... so hard to write a rhyme when you only know 30 words.  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) Spelling is difficult because there are too many rules. Silent letters only exist to make it harder for illegal immigrants to learn English.  (Daniel Tosh Quotes) If you had to eat another human to survive, do you think they’d taste like their ethnic background?  (Daniel Tosh Quotes)
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