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Dana Gould Quotes
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results
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What a beautiful world it would be if people had hearts like dogs
You had me at hello
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And then you meet one person and your life changes forever
If cats could talk, they wouldn't
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I meant to behave but there were too many other options
Dogs teach us a lot of things but none more important than to love unconditionally
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A girl doesn't need anyone who doesn't need her
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Friendship Quotes
Love Quotes
Life Quotes
Funny Quotes
Motivational Quotes
Inspirational Quotes
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Text Quotes
Life is like The Muppet Show, but instead of Muppets there’s anxiety (Dana Gould Quotes)
Death’s vigilance is eternal, so shall mine be (Dana Gould Quotes)
Did you know that Dog Heaven and Cat Hell were the same place? (Dana Gould Quotes)
I can’t wait for the day I learn to live in the now! (Dana Gould Quotes)
I try to look on the bright side, but it really hurts my eyes (Dana Gould Quotes)
Cotton candy. Like eating a cloud of diabetes. (Dana Gould Quotes)
I’m the Forrest Gump of comedy (Dana Gould Quotes)
I’m no longer afraid of not making enough mistakes (Dana Gould Quotes)
The older I get, the more I look like my favorite shoes (Dana Gould Quotes)
I don’t really like myself, but I’m way into me, physically (Dana Gould Quotes)
When I found out that coffins are padded, I stopped fearing death (Dana Gould Quotes)
My fantasy football team got mixed up in another fantasy and now they’re stuck on a pirate ship with a chick in a Catwoman suit. (Dana Gould Quotes)
If you’re selling something on Craiglist, it’s never a good idea to end the description with, May have lice. (Dana Gould Quotes)
Like many indelible family memories, carving a pumpkin begins with someone grabbing a really sharp knife. (Dana Gould Quotes)
There’s nothing like a string of Xmas lights inside the house to make the whole family feel like they live in a vintage clothing store. (Dana Gould Quotes)
The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family (Dana Gould Quotes)
Every Thanksgiving we feed the homeless so they may join us as we celebrate other people finding a home. (Dana Gould Quotes)
I went to high school with some wonderful people, but my entire high school experience was just waiting to leave. (Dana Gould Quotes)
The magazine at the health food store said, Stop Aging! Isn’t that what death is for? Trust me, we’re all gonna stop aging... (Dana Gould Quotes)
Here’s something you never hear: Now that I’ve worked through all my emotional issues, I’m free to dedicate my life to ventriloquism! (Dana Gould Quotes)
I like to think of Doritos as emotional packing material to safeguard the feelings I’ve swallowed. (Dana Gould Quotes)
There must be a way to get more of these in me faster, thought the inventor of pea soup as he sat eating peas. (Dana Gould Quotes)
The expression working like a dog dates back to a time in America when men would rise early, then lie around all day and lick their balls. (Dana Gould Quotes)
The best part of chronic head lice is it takes away your fear of dying alone (Dana Gould Quotes)
Why is it, when I have nothing to do, I drink more coffee? It’s as if I’m in a big hurry to get nothing done. (Dana Gould Quotes)
Classified ads of the Ku Klux Klan: Tired of all the games? Do you like racial purity, horses and dressing up like a ghost? (Dana Gould Quotes)
If my dog wants to know why I didn’t feed him this morning, he may want to rethink walking out of the room when I’m telling him a joke. (Dana Gould Quotes)
I love it when dogs yawn. Especially when it’s in the middle of another dog’s speech. (Dana Gould Quotes)
I feel very uncomfortable when I eat in restaurants. I’m obnoxiously polite with the waiters: ‘I just want a tuna sandwich. I’ll go get it. You sit here - I’ll get it, I’ll make it. (Dana Gould Quotes)
In an effort to look cool, I am going to stop shouting Hey, you! at airplanes. (Dana Gould Quotes)