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Chelsea Handler Quotes

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You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU  (Chelsea Handler Quotes) ... some of the best sex I can barely remember  (Chelsea Handler Quotes) If someone took the ‘F’ letter off me, I’d be ucked  (Chelsea Handler Quotes) Why would you go out and not drink? Just stay home and sit there  (Chelsea Handler Quotes) First of all, I’m not an actor - I’m an asshole  (Chelsea Handler Quotes) But then, like George Michael in a men’s bathroom, I got cocky  (Chelsea Handler Quotes) I had to sit down and explain to [her friend] that AA was for quitters  (Chelsea Handler Quotes) I’ve always been exactly who I am on TV. I’m not playing a role  (Chelsea Handler Quotes) I want to start saying bad words all the time!  (Chelsea Handler Quotes) There should be a talent that goes along with being famous  (Chelsea Handler Quotes) My life and my legs have been an open book  (Chelsea Handler Quotes) If you judge a person by the company they keep, then I’m retarded  (Chelsea Handler Quotes) Mexico’s a great place to overcome a drug addiction  (Chelsea Handler Quotes) When I get married, I’m gonna register at Bank of America  (Chelsea Handler Quotes) Having a baby, it’s like a five year commitment  (Chelsea Handler Quotes) We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it’s Tuesday I’ll make an exception  (Chelsea Handler Quotes) The challenge is to keep it fresh. If you’re talking about Britney Spears over and over, it’s very hard to keep that interesting  (Chelsea Handler Quotes) Good Luck Chuck, a comedy starring Dane Cook and Jessica Alba, opened today, and critics are saying it has all the belly laughs you’ve come to expect from Jessica Alba  (Chelsea Handler Quotes) Angelina Jolie’s older brother James Haven, the one she made out with, has a license plate on his SUV that reads Shiloh. Maybe it’s not that weird. After all, he could be the father  (Chelsea Handler Quotes) Sometimes, Chelsea, I wonder, how you get by from day to day. It’s a good thing you’re so voluptuous  (Chelsea Handler Quotes) I was in a tailspin of confusion I hadn’t experienced since the first time I heard George W. Bush speak  (Chelsea Handler Quotes) One of my girlfriends was getting married. This was becoming an annoying pattern  (Chelsea Handler Quotes) There’s a reason you never see anyone’s house with a beware of cat sign. Because they’re not even worth mentioning  (Chelsea Handler Quotes) Paris Hilton is going on a goodwill mission to Rwanda. It’s the first time an entire Third World country will have to get immunizations for a visitor  (Chelsea Handler Quotes) I went out with a guy who once told me I didn’t need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him, I’m drinking so that you’re more fun to be around  (Chelsea Handler Quotes) I have no idea why gay men love me, but I would have to assume it’s because they know how much I love the gays! Everyone needs a good gay man in their life  (Chelsea Handler Quotes) The last time a straight man worked in the fashion industry, we got a fanny pack  (Chelsea Handler Quotes) Instead of having a baby, why don’t you get a tattoo of a baby first, and see how that works out for six months to a year, and then see if you’re ready to have a baby  (Chelsea Handler Quotes) I wish it was that easy to get turned on for me - at this point, I need a bottle of Belevere and a fighterjet  (Chelsea Handler Quotes) You should never be mean to other girls. I don’t care what grade you’re in. Be nice to people until you’re my age... and you have your own TV show  (Chelsea Handler Quotes)
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