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Chelsea Handler Quotes
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Friendship Quotes
Love Quotes
Life Quotes
Funny Quotes
Motivational Quotes
Inspirational Quotes
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Text Quotes
As you get older, then you finally come back around full circle when you don’t give a s - anymore and you decide I’m going to just tell the truth to everybody. I don’t give a s - if anybody likes me. (Chelsea Handler Quotes)
Sometimes, Chelsea, I wonder, how you get by from day to day. It’s a good thing you’re so voluptuous. (Chelsea Handler Quotes)
George Clooney and Fabio apparently got into a scuffle at a restaurant in Los Angeles over the weekend. George thought the women with Fabio were taking pictures of him. How embarrassed is George Clooney to be in a fight with Fabio? Who is he going to call out next, Lorenzo Lamas? (Chelsea Handler Quotes)
According to the New York Post, Lance Armstrong and Ashley Olsen are dating. They must be getting serious - Lance gave Ashley his yellow Live Strong bracelet. She wears it as a belt. (Chelsea Handler Quotes)
I hate that people assume guys are the only ones to want sex. Girls want sex, too, and that shouldn’t be a problem. (Chelsea Handler Quotes)
I couldn’t go any higher with three Michelin stars. I mastered my craft. I’m still learning and picking up ideas. (Chelsea Handler Quotes)
I don’t cook... I don’t know how to clean... there’s may be a good chance I’m an alcoholic. (Chelsea Handler Quotes)
Can you imagine getting a gun for a secret Santa? That is especially not a good idea if you work in a post office. (Chelsea Handler Quotes)
If you have to work at McDonald’s, good for you. But on a side note, good luck with the rest of your life. (Chelsea Handler Quotes)
I definitely don’t want to have kids ... I don’t think I’d be a great mother. I’m a great aunt or friend of a mother ... I don’t want to spend that kind of time. I don’t want to have a kid and have it raised by a nanny. I don’t have time to raise a child. (Chelsea Handler Quotes)
I hate when men think that money is gonna buy you happiness... I mean, it helps. (Chelsea Handler Quotes)
I never say the things I really want to. If I did, I’d have no friends. (Chelsea Handler Quotes)
I had to feign interest in all this nonsense until I could ask when I could come over and sit on his face. I didn’t say that out loud, of course. I never say the things I really want to. If I did, I’d have no friends. (Chelsea Handler Quotes)
People confuse the fact that I discuss drinking openly with the idea that I’m a heavy drinker. I don’t want girls at my show wasted, screaming and yelling out and vomiting. (Chelsea Handler Quotes)
My father has a high opinion of his opinion (Chelsea Handler Quotes)
Vomit and feces are two reason I have decided not to procreate (Chelsea Handler Quotes)
Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself (Chelsea Handler Quotes)
I love people who have such passion for complete nonsense (Chelsea Handler Quotes)
I love a stupid joke, something that doesn’t make any sense (Chelsea Handler Quotes)
I didn’t become a comedian to work this hard (Chelsea Handler Quotes)
Women don’t have to be jealous of other women (Chelsea Handler Quotes)
We women have to stick together (Chelsea Handler Quotes)
I’m into politics, and I love watching the heavier news magazine shows (Chelsea Handler Quotes)
The important thing is to be drunk (Chelsea Handler Quotes)
A hotel room all to myself is my idea of a good time (Chelsea Handler Quotes)
I’m very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter (Chelsea Handler Quotes)
My relationship with my father had been on the proverbial fritz since the time I was fifteen and called the police to report him for child molesting. He had never molested me, but I wanted to have a party that weekend and needed him out of the house (Chelsea Handler Quotes)
I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people (Chelsea Handler Quotes)
I had to feign interest in all this nonsense until I could ask when I could come over and sit on his face. I didn’t say that out loud, of course. I never say the things I really want to. If I did, I’d have no friends (Chelsea Handler Quotes)
Then a homeless man with a dog approached us and put his hand out. This happens to be something that I have a real problem with: homeless people with pets who approach you for food when they have a perfectly delicious dog standing right there? (Chelsea Handler Quotes)