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Bob Monkhouse Quotes

A year from now you'll wish you started today - Work Quotes
Be yourself; everyone else is already taken - Oscar Wilde Quotes
What a beautiful world it would be if people had hearts like dogs - Dog Quotes
I told you I'll be ready in FIVE minutes, stop calling me every half hour - Funny Quotes
You had me at hello - Love Quotes
The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why - Mark Twain Quotes
I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work - Fail Quotes
Don't look back you're not going that way - Inspirational Quotes
Text Quotes
You can always spot the employee playing golf with his boss. He’s the fellow who makes a hole in one and says, oops!  (Bob Monkhouse Quotes) I saw a specialist who asked me ‘Are you familiar with the phrase faecal impaction?’. I said I think I saw that one with Glenn Close and Michael Douglas  (Bob Monkhouse Quotes) The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I must remember to take enough toilet paper next time  (Bob Monkhouse Quotes) I was a born club comic. Radio and TV and stage were fine, but I found my real home in cabaret  (Bob Monkhouse Quotes) Dulwich College takes me back after seventy years: My Mum must have written one hell of a sick note!  (Bob Monkhouse Quotes) I’m rather relaxed about death. From quite an early age I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.  (Bob Monkhouse Quotes) I’m not saying my wife’s a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer  (Bob Monkhouse Quotes) If blind people wear sunglasses, why don’t deaf people wear earmuffs?  (Bob Monkhouse Quotes) If blind people wear sunglasses, why don’t deaf people wear earmuffs?  (Bob Monkhouse Quotes) I got my start in silent radio  (Bob Monkhouse Quotes) With my wife it was sex, sex, sex... Yes, three times in 35 years  (Bob Monkhouse Quotes) It got up to 94 degrees today – that’s pretty good at my age  (Bob Monkhouse Quotes) Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted  (Bob Monkhouse Quotes) Marriage is an investment which pays dividends if you pay interest  (Bob Monkhouse Quotes) I got a horse for my wife. I thought it was a fair swap  (Bob Monkhouse Quotes) What do gardeners do when they retire?  (Bob Monkhouse Quotes) I’d like to die like my old dad, peacefully in his sleep, not screaming like his passengers  (Bob Monkhouse Quotes) Personally, I don’t think there’s intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?  (Bob Monkhouse Quotes) My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh  (Bob Monkhouse Quotes) I’d never be unfaithful to my wife for the reason that I love my house very much  (Bob Monkhouse Quotes) Although I have always loved the noise of laughter, I really can’t fear the coming of quiet. As for funerals, I rather like them. Such nice things are always said about the deceased, I feel sad that they had to miss hearing it all by just a few days  (Bob Monkhouse Quotes) I suddenly realised I could maybe occupy a different position because of age, a kind of acceptance  (Bob Monkhouse Quotes) I’ve always known that I polarise opinion. Some people respond with enthusiasm and affection. In others, I awaken a lot of hostility  (Bob Monkhouse Quotes) When I said I was going to become a comedian, they all laughed. Well, they’re not laughing now, are they?  (Bob Monkhouse Quotes) I’ll never stop working. I want to die in the saddle. A day is wasted for me if I haven’t done something even mildly creative  (Bob Monkhouse Quotes) Real happiness is when you marry a girl for love and find out later she has money  (Bob Monkhouse Quotes) When the inventor of the drawing board messed things up, what did he go back to?  (Bob Monkhouse Quotes) They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they’re not laughing now  (Bob Monkhouse Quotes) I’m not saying my wife’s a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer  (Bob Monkhouse Quotes)