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Amy Sedaris Quotes

A girl doesn't need anyone who doesn't need her
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And then you meet one person and your life changes forever
Dogs teach us a lot of things but none more important than to love unconditionally
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The darkest nights produce the brightest stars
Don't look back you're not going that way
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I like me a little bit more when i'm with you
The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why
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Together is my favorite place to be
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Text Quotes
People who shop in health food stores never look healthy  (Amy Sedaris Quotes) People that know me know that I cook. I cook every night.  (Amy Sedaris Quotes) If I’m creating something for myself, then I want to have fun  (Amy Sedaris Quotes) I want witchcraft so bad that I can’t stand it. I have wands in my apartment. And I use them sometimes. I walk into the kitchen with my wand, and I come out with something on a platter and I say, ‘See, magic happens.’ Works every time  (Amy Sedaris Quotes) If you decide on having an alcoholic at your party, make sure it’s a large gathering. This way, until the alcoholic begins removing their clothes or dangling the cat out the window, they can sort of blend in. An alcoholic at a small gathering is called an intervention  (Amy Sedaris Quotes) Most people think witches are a coven of lesbians dancing naked in the forest celebrating the semen stolen from imprisoned hypnotized males, which they then use to inseminate one another using turkey basters in order to create a legion of demon babies. Well, that’s only part of it. We are also active in community outreach programs  (Amy Sedaris Quotes) I’m not a good storyteller. I always think I’m going to get interrupted, or something’s going to get edited. I think that comes from being in a large family, so you have to get your story in really quick or someone cuts you off  (Amy Sedaris Quotes) If I know I have to memorize lines, I’m really gonna try to memorize lines. It’s hard for me sometimes, because somebody wrote these words and you’re trying really hard to get them the way they said it  (Amy Sedaris Quotes) I’m very domestic; I love cleaning. I love cooking. I like waiting on people. I just like to make things. I don’t break that down to be weakness, or the only things women can do, or putting me back 20 years  (Amy Sedaris Quotes) I wouldn’t call myself a shut-in. I have the ability to leave my home; I just choose not to. But because I’m such a homebody, it’s important to be surrounded by things I love  (Amy Sedaris Quotes) Don’t make anybody a homemade gift. Unless you’re really good, or it’s going to be really practical. If it’s a little thing you think is cute ‘cause you made it, just forget it  (Amy Sedaris Quotes) My little brother Paul. He owns his own floor sanding business called Silly P Hardwood Floors and hes really good  (Amy Sedaris Quotes) I listen. I like to give advice. Mostly, Ill just try to listen to my friends, and theyll say the same thing over and over again  (Amy Sedaris Quotes) My mother always said ‘Don’t bother other people.’ I think that’s good advice  (Amy Sedaris Quotes) When people tell me they are going to go scrapbooking, I say, ‘Why don’t you make it yourself.’ It’s like chocolate-chip cookies. People buy the cookie-dough roll and slice it, and then they lay it on a cookie sheet. That’s not making chocolate-chip cookies  (Amy Sedaris Quotes) Sometimes, to keep things exciting, I decorate my house as if I owned a child. I’ll toss a tiny pair of shoes in the hallway or lean small wooden crutches in what I refer to as ‘the baby’s room,’ which is actually a tiny space where I make things. I continue to call it the baby’s room because it confuses people and it’s creepy  (Amy Sedaris Quotes) Learn more about yourself! Make a self-esteem collage using pictures of other people you wish you were  (Amy Sedaris Quotes) I have a lot of fake food in my apartment, but I’m picky about it. Old plaster food, like from the 50s is really nice, hollowed out paper-mache food from old plays - the new stuff just looks too good  (Amy Sedaris Quotes) I always liked my teachers, and I was in a lot of after-school projects. I was a Girl Scout until my senior year, when I couldn’t be a Girl Scout anymore. I was in clubs like Junior Achievement, and I ran track and field. My grades were good, but then toward 11th grade they were nothing. I always went to summer school  (Amy Sedaris Quotes) I have a couple freeloader friends, but it’s okay. I know they’re gonna come in with their arms flying in the air empty-handed  (Amy Sedaris Quotes) I can’t imagine going to an all-girls school. I went to a public school  (Amy Sedaris Quotes) They just expected it to you know... Paul, Steve and I could have hired our own publicist, if we wanted to, but I kind of liked the way it was more of a cult thing and those that liked it, liked it, you know what I mean?  (Amy Sedaris Quotes) My kitchen’s pink, like skin-tone pink, and I lowered my spice rack so it’s eye level - it’s true! - and my phone, so I can reach it when I fall, it’s right there  (Amy Sedaris Quotes) More men than women like ‘Strangers With Candy’. Pretty girls don’t like the show. They don’t like to see an ugly lady  (Amy Sedaris Quotes) I really don’t like going out. I don’t like restaurants because I don’t like the idea of someone, a waitress, being responsible for my evening. I like seconds, and more, and lots of conversation, and I’ve always hated the idea that in a restaurant an evening just ends. I find that incredibly depressing  (Amy Sedaris Quotes) I was just a kid. I think I stole a candy bar. I remember feeling so terrible. It was the worst shock. I was probably 7. That’s my least favorite feeling: guilt  (Amy Sedaris Quotes) I did shoplift but I didn’t get in trouble for it. I shoplifted a lot when I was little. Candy. I would steal candy  (Amy Sedaris Quotes) I was just a kid. I think I stole a candy bar. I remember feeling so terrible. It was the worst shock. I was probably 7. That’s my least favorite feeling: guilt.  (Amy Sedaris Quotes) Don’t associate me with comedy. And please don’t say actress. I would never call myself any of those things. I hate it when people call me that.  (Amy Sedaris Quotes) I like to just make things... If I have the TV on, I’m not just going to sit there. I want to do something with my hands; I’ve always got a project. Or I get a small group of people over, and I say, ‘Let’s make these things today.’  (Amy Sedaris Quotes)
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